His Second Addiction

Chapter 45

Aaidah:

I'm back to London after two years. As soon as I'm here I'm reminded of everything that happened two years ago. Aaran's betrayal, my feelings which I suppressed long back ago. But now that I'm back everything is coming back. No, I won't let myself get weak and fooled twice. I only came back for Azir. I know he suffered the most after I left. I left him all alone. I didn’t even thought that I'm making him sad and practically ruining his childhood.

Now I won't let that happen. I'm back and I will be there for him always. In these two years I realized that my family don't need to suffer because of what Aaran did but I also knew I needed these two years all alone to take care of myself. If I stayed here then I would've been surrounded by depression and lose myself. Then eventually my family would have lost me for forever. In order to protect myself and my family from losing me, I went away. It was hard to stay alone. I missed everyone so much especially Azir. Though I don't regret it cause now I'm a better version of myself. I learned how to cope up with my feelings and everything else.

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I saw Aaran at the hospital. I also heard how he took care of Azir and maa. I knew everything including the fact that he was in contact with my maa. Though I never told maa anything about it. Yes, I used to be in contact with my family though I never talked to Azir cause I knew that I would become weak if I talked to him. I needed to stay away from him to keep my feelings in control and to stay strong. As for knowing where I lived, only baba knew that. No one else knew anything about it. Sometimes I'm glad that I kept it a secret from maa cause I know how she is. She melts easily, forgives people no matter how badly they have hurt her. She would've told Aaran where I lived if she knew.

Putting everything aside, I looked at Aaran only for a second. I didn’t even look properly just glanced at him after sensing someone's presence. After that I didn’t look at him. I didn’t even acknowledge his presence. I didn’t forbade maa to talk to him. That's her choice completely. I didn’t stop baba either when he thanked Aaran. I know how baba is. Baba is always grateful towards the people who help him or us. So it explains why he suddenly talked to Aaran after two years.

Maa nudged me to talk to him especially when he left. Maa felt bad that he left like that. But I didn’t felt anything. I feel empty towards Aaran. Is this how people feel when they are hurt badly? I thought I would be in pain if I see Aaran again but I feel nothing. Two years ago at least I hated him. I felt like destroying him completely. I even wanted to kill him with his favourite gun which he gave me. That's how much I loathed him back then. But now I don't feel like doing anything to him. I will live my life on my own way by ignoring his existence. That wouldn’t be so hard as I thought it would be.

“Aai!” Azir yelled gaining back my attention. “Can't I go home?” I tucked him in the hospital bed, shaking my head. “Not until the doctor says you can.” He pouted making me smile. Damn I missed his pout, childishness, stubbornness. I missed everything about him. He used to annoy me a lot but I missed that too when I had to stay away from him.

Suddenly Azir sat up on the bed and pulled me in for a hug. “I missed you so much.” He probably said this exact thing for the hundred times till now. “I missed you too.” I don't mind replying back to him every single time. If that’s what makes my brother happy then that's what I will do. I pulled away from the hug, making him lay down on the bed again. I covered him with the blanket properly. I stayed beside him until he fell asleep.

I looked at the time to realize it's Asr time already. So I went to the bathroom and did my wudhu then prayed my Salah. After I finish Salah and stood up, I saw maa standing in the doorway. She is smiling at me. “You know I'm always proud of you that you started to pray Salah once again daily and on time.” I nodded my head. I started it after I left. Nothing was giving me peace. I went to clubs, drank, fought with people.