Clandestine | 18+

35~Blood in Tear

(Not edited, may find mistakes)

Summer Wine- Lana Del Rey
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Without pride, you are walked upon, and with pride you are feared on. Or, pride consumes, and blinds your soul. What is human life if not a path to dissolve?"
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Estelle Adler Camelli

"You know, I always told you no one would love you." A haunting voice echoed inside the four bloodied walls. Like my hands?

My hands covered my ears, the blood falling inside them, the liquid trying to silent the familiar voice.

"You thought you would escape me?" The voice grew louder, my ability to silent whatever sound making it impossible.

"Did you think anyone was going to love you?" Three other voices came, and I wanted the ground to open up, and swallow, swallow, swallow me.

"Do you think just because you are tough now, you can escape us?"

"Leave. Me. Alone ." I kept my voice steady, but my breathing was heavy, heavy, heavy.

They laughed, it echoed.

The walls came closer, wanted to squeeze me in, trap me with no freedom.

With no space to fight.

I stood up, tried to wiggle in the tight space, the walls were stealing my breaths, squeezing me inside and I put my hands up on the walls, trying to open the walls, scared the walls were going to -

Bam. Bam. Bam.

"You cannot escape."

I was stronger than this.

My palms were sweaty.

"Nothing you do can make you escape." It echoed, echoed, echoed.

"No,no,no. You are inside my mind. Inside!" I placed my head on the wall, but then removed it, the pressure in my skull, squeezing me-

My breathing heaved, and I got out of the nightmare, my body immediately turning into a sitting position.

"I am okay." I let out a breath. "It was just a nightmare." I whispered as I softly wrapped my arms around myself for some comfort.

It was quiet, my mind absorbing to the peace. I softly put my hand on my skull, checking to see if it was fine.

Why did I have to fall asleep? Why?

Sleep who was others escape, was my prison. I always lived inside a prison. Awake, and asleep. It was like my subconscious hated my guts, wanted to turn everyone against me, even my own mind.

I couldn't once feel filled with energy inside my body. Once. Except- nope.

"No one can love you." His voice rang in my mind-

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

I breathed in, breathed out and closed my eyes.

I let my heart calm its racing beats, and softly touched my heart with my hand.

I didn't know if I could be loved. I had so many masks, and masks, and masks, that weighted me down.