Clandestine | 18+

14~Echoes of the Past

Slow Down-Chase Atlantic
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"Behind every mask lays a truth too dangerous to reveal"
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Alonzo Pierce

Her soft fingers brushed my hair as I laid my head on her lap. The sofa was soft, but her lap was softer. Her skin more comfortable than anything my father could have bought. She was my angel. Green eyes like mine, but instead of getting her dirty blonde hair, I inherited my father's. Black. She was taller than me, but I knew the moment I'd grow older I'd be able to hug her and place my head on top of hers. I'd keep her safe.

"Voglio bene alla tua mamma." [I love you mom] I softly said, careful to keep my voice low so my father wouldn't hear. He always told me to keep emotions to myself. They were a weakness.

I felt her softly smile. I turned my body to face her. Her eyes held sadness behind them.

"Can you promise me something, il mio raggazo?" [My boy] She softly laughed as she messed my hair up, and I softly laughed as I kicked my legs softly so I wouldn't hurt her.

I'd rather die than hurt my angel.

"Certo, cosa vuoi che ti prometta?" [Sure, what do you want me to promise you?] I asked my mamma.

She softly smiled again, one that didn't reach her eyes.

"I know you love so deeply, il mio dolce bambino, find someone to love, don't freeze your big heart. Never." [My sweet little child.] Her eyes turned so serious that I almost laughed.

"But I love you mamma." I shook my head. Why did she think I didn't love her?

She shook her head softly.

"I know you love me, caro. But I want you to love an other girl when you grow up more than you love me." her voice lowered down, as if she was scared she was telling me this.

Scared of my father as much as I was. My mamma. Scared.

"How could I love an other ragazza, mamma? You are my angel." I stared into her eyes. She smiled as she started fixing the same hair she messed up.

"Ah, il mio dolce bambino. When you grow up, you will start liking many ragazze, but I don't want you to play with them like your pappa. I want you to love at least one of the many ragazze you will meet throughout your life, Alonzo. Puoi promettermelo? [Can you promise me that?] My mother searched my gaze.

I nodded.

"I don't know if I can love a ragazza as much as I love you mamma." I told her the truth.

She softly laughed.

"You can, il mio bambino. But the only way to keep this promise to your mamma is doing as pappa says but not believing it. Capisci?" Her eyes were shinning in the low light of the room. The fireplace in front of us was heating the cold atmosphere, but even if it wasn't I would be warm only because my mamma's presence was near me.

"Are you saying I should tell pappa I don't believe him?" I asked my mamma.

Mamma's eyes widened.