Clandestine | 18+

30~ Depth In Denial

One Of The Girls - The Weekend, Jennie
______________
"All is fair in deceivers and lies"
______________

I had started a routine.

Plan for the wedding, go to the headquarters, see them train, order a kill, and then, somehow, peace finds me the moment I enter Pierce's house and take off my heels.

I take a shower to rinse off the sweat from the fights, I change into one of Pierce's soft shirts, and my personal favourite, the night.

Pierce had somehow realised I had insomnia just like him, and he also somehow had noticed I slept last week in his arms. So, after that day, he always held me in his arms.

First, I protested. I started telling him no way in hell he would put his hands on me an entire night.

His expressionless face didn't make my tantrum better. When I finished ranting, he took me up and threw me on the bed.

I kicked my feet, pushing him off, but then I stopped for one second because I realised he could think I was a bit stronger than needed.

Bad decision.

The moment I stopped kicking my feet to think, he hovered above me, whispered in my ear how I needed sleep for the wedding, and held me.

It took some time to adjust, but I was at least getting two hours of sleep, it was progress considering my past sleeping patterns.

Shaking my head as I typed into my computer I cursed at myself for letting my head wander to fucking Pierce while being at work.

Someone knocked on my office door and I told them to get in.

I raised my eyes and Louis came in. I stopped what I was doing as I told him to sit in the chair in front of my desk. He stared at me with a different expression for the first time in my life. His eyes were wary, and hurt, and I wouldn't expect less from him.

"I already know what you will ask." I broke the silence as I leaned back on my chair, lowered my eyes to my skirt for a second as I crossed my legs.

"One word. Why?" His voice was almost numb, almost detached from this reality all around him. I knew the state he was in. The shock. The out of body feeling like you are living in a dream, or in a nightmare, a mix of both with no intend of knowing how to get out.

"I can't say." I tapped my fingernail in the arm rester of my chair. He saw the movement and drew a big fucking breath.

"Estelle." He said my name, and my heart sank a little as I saw him better. His eyes were puffy, distant, his hand in and out of a fist, as if he didn't know if he was numb, or angry, or both if it  could be possible. "Please."

I closed my eyes and stopped tapping my nails on the arm rester.

"Louis, you know I adore you, you know the figure I see you as. But I don't regret not telling you, because we both know you would do everything in your power to head towards her." I simply told him, my voice a bit more empathetic than I would use with my employees.

He did an ironic smile, looking at my ceiling.

"Can I tell you something?" He slowly said. "I love you, cheré, but you need to listen well to what I'm going to say." His tone turned serious. "And this is unrelated to Jossie. The hurt I felt, I would wish you never feel it. If you kill him, you will. And you wouldn't live with yourself."