Red {Wolf Rebellion I}

Chapter 36~No Greater Pain~

There is no greater pain than to remember, in our present grief, past happiness.

-Dante Alighieri

Chapter 36~No Greater Pain~

"Are you sure about this?" Carmine murmured quietly. He hadn't left my side since I'd told him what I wanted, and I could tell he still had his doubts.

I glanced down at my hands, at the dagger, gauze, and sheet of paper before me. I'd had to write down what I could remember of the grieving ceremony, recalling the words Claret used every time there was a death. "I'm sure. It's not enough, but it's the best we have." Thinking about what we were preparing for made my eyes burn and my throat close, but I forced myself to calm down. Don't start now. You need to keep it together.

I wanted to do everything I could for Adam. And while I no longer considered myself a part of Red, I wouldn't begrudge Adam this final tradition. It was also something I could focus on, something that would keep my thoughts at bay for the time being.

Phoenix, Cas, and Shani had been out gathering wood for a few hours. Scarlett and Ginger were. . .taking care of Adam. I knew if I tried to help them, I'd lose it, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get ahold of myself again.

So here I was, and Carmine refused to leave me alone for even a second. I returned my gaze to the paper in front of me, skimming the words I'd written.

"This was the best I could find," Kat's voice interrupted me, and I looked up at her. She held a slim black candle in her hands, and she set it on the table next to the dagger. She shrugged, "I know you said red would've been preferable, but-"

"It's fine," I stopped her before she could try to apologize. "Thank you." All that was left was the water, which was easy enough to obtain. I pushed away from the table, folding up the paper into a tiny square any shoving it into my pocket. "We just need the water."

Carmine grabbed the dagger, candle, and bandages. "Cas should be ready by now."

On our way out, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. The ceremony would be a far cry from perfect, but maybe it was better that way. This is already painful enough without the added memories from Red. I shied away from that train of thought. I knew it couldn't be healthy to hold everything in, but it was much easier to shove it all to the back of my mind right now.

We walked around the back of the safe house, making our way deeper into the woods. Phoenix had found a small clearing earlier today-about two miles from the house-where it would be easier to conceal the smoke. Even though it felt like time had frozen to me-that everything had stopped-I knew Red was still out there, hunting us.

That was another distraction. Why had those agents not killed me? They'd had the perfect opportunity to, I'd been outnumbered and pinned down. As much as I was glad for the fact that they hadn't, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't extremely worried. It was no longer possible to predict what Claret was going to do, and that put us at an extreme disadvantage.

I pushed back the bushes in front of me, grimacing when thorns ripped at my skin. "Damn." I glanced down as blood welled in the scratches, stinging as I wiped it away on my pants. You deserve worse than that, I couldn't help the thought that wrapped itself around my brain, sinking into every crevice and poisoning my consciousness. You deserve so much worse for what you did, what you caused. He's never coming back, and it's entirely your fault.

"Ruby? You okay?"

Carmine's voice pulled me out of my pain induced hate. I glanced at him as I stepped over a half-rotted tree, stray bits of wood cracking under my feet. "Fine." I could from the way his eyes narrowed that he didn't completely believe me, but I was grateful when he left it alone.