Reaper's Touch

Lucas: Nodding Off

"After all... what does being in love mean if you can't trust a person."
– Evelyn Waugh

"So what're you gonna do now?" Lucas asked Gus the next week when he came over for their new ritual to smoke meth and deliver more dope to Lucas.

Marcus was home this afternoon, so Gus wasn't allowed to smoke meth today. Lucas was letting him use the needle after he shot himself up.

"I'll get another job. It was just minimum wage. We'll be fine," Gus said with a shrug, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Have you even had any other jobs?" Lucas asked. "Like, ever?"

"I been workin' since I was six!" Gus said defensively.

"Doing what?"

"Runnin' drugs mostly. Or turnin' tricks."

Lucas sighed. "No. I mean real jobs, Gus. Jobs that have a boss, one who doesn't run a trap house. Jobs that aren't illegal. Jobs they make you take a drug test for."

"Oh," Gus said, thinking about it. "Then nope."

"Besides, I thought you wanted to be a tattoo artist," Lucas said.

Gus quitting his job at Jeff's shop bothered Lucas a lot, but he didn't know why. It wasn't his life. Wasn't really his concern. So why did he care so much? Why did he want so badly to change Gus's mind?

"I don't know what I want," Gus mumbled.

Lucas watched as Gus's blood rushed into the barrel of the syringe, right before he pushed down on the plunger.

"You're just depressed," Lucas said.

Gus nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as the rush hit him. "Holy shit that's strong! Yeah. Depressed."

"So am I. I've been depressed so long though I barely even care," Lucas said. "Barely even remember what I felt like before."

"Me too, but I don't let myself feel it. I always put somethin' in its place. Somethin' good," Gus said, nodding to himself.

"Well that doesn't work for everyone. I can't just ignore it."

"No, but you can medicate it," Gus said, and he started laughing, holding up the syringe. "Goddamn. That's what we're doing!"

His laughter became hysterical, as if the situation was much funnier than it was, and Gus couldn't seem to calm down.

"You're such an idiot," Lucas said, shaking his head, unsure of what to say. So far, observing someone on meth was a bizarre and unpredictable experience he didn't exactly enjoy.

Once Gus caught his breath and finally stopped giggling, he looked at Lucas and said,

"Lemme ask you somethin'."

"Hm?" Lucas said, contentedly closing his eyes.

"Do you think Nora's onto you?"

He shook his head slowly. "No."

"Well I think Hex's onto me," Gus said in a low voice, like he was worried someone might be listening to their conversation.

"Why?" Lucas asked.

"She's always trynna check my pupils. She's so smart. Too smart for her own damn good. She's too good at readin' people... 'specially me. It's freakin' me out."

"Well have you said anything?"

"Of course not! We shook on it," Gus said, looking offended that Lucas would question his loyalty to their oath.