Reaper's Touch

Gus: The White Cage

"It's hard to wake from a nightmare when the nightmare is real."
-Kristin Cashore

Gus was finishing his shift in the worst way: cleaning toilets. As an apprentice, it was something he was tasked to do regularly, but it grossed him out. He'd never tell Jeff though. He wouldn't let anything ruin the amazing opportunity he'd been given here, and he always felt he was a mistake away from Jeff kicking him back out onto the streets.

The shop was empty and quiet. Ethan and the others had gone home for the night.

"Hey, Gus, when you finish I need to talk to you for a second," Jeff said over his shoulder.

Gus froze. "What'd I do?"

"Nothing. Just need to talk to you."

Gus worked faster after that, sick with nerves. Was Jeff gonna fire him? Kick him out? He always had the feeling he was fucking something up.

Gus walked to Jeff's booth like Moon when she'd broken something: slowly, head down, shoulders hunched.

"Sit down," Jeff said, motioning to the long tattoo chair that doubled as a table.

Gus sat, nervously swinging his legs, which were an inch too short to touch the floor.

"It's August now. Do you know what happens in September?" Jeff asked.

"Um... summer ends?" Gus guessed.

Jeff smiled. "Yeah, and I go back to the ranch for six months."

Gus felt a cold deluge of panic flood his body. "You can't!" he exclaimed.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Why is that?"

"What about me?"

"I'll leave you in control of the house. Your drug test results will continue to be sent to me electronically. I trust you to work hard here with Ethan and take care of my place and keep on doing what you're doing. You're an adult and completely capable of being independent, as I'm sure you know."

"But... but... it'll be Christmas soon," Gus said out of nowhere. He was embarrassed and immediately regretted the words.

"Yes. I spend every Christmas at the ranch." Jeff said softly.

"I know."

"So why did you say that?"

Gus shrugged. "Forget it."

"Tell me why you said that."

"'Cause I thought you'd spend Christmas with me!" Gus exclaimed, tearing up. "My first Christmas in a house with an actual family... I was lookin' forward to it. God that's embarrassing. Pathetic huh?"

Jeff's face softened. "Gus, it's not pathetic. I understand. But you're in a good place now. You've reprocessed your biggest traumas, and now we're just working on the little stuff. But there are other kids who aren't in a good place. I have to help them. There are other kids who need a father figure. Other kids who're like you when you first came to the ranch. Do you understand that?"

"You care about them more than me!" Gus snapped angrily.

"Gus, that's not true. It has nothing to do with-"

"You wanna replace me. You was just bein' nice sayin' I was your son! I knew this was all bullshit! I never shoulda believed you! You're a fuckin' asshole for makin' me think you cared! You knew I never had nothin' like this! You knew everything that ever happened to me! You knew and you still fucked with my head and then you DUMPED ME!"