Reaper's Touch

Lucas: Monster

"The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls."
-Edgar Allan Poe

"Baby, come on. You know this is stupid," Nora said as they stormed out of Jeff's house in the direction of the L.

"Nora, don't start!" Lucas snapped.

"What are you even mad about? Let's just pretend Gus did it. Even then what would it matter?"

"You don't fucking get it!" he shouted back at her.

Lucas was walking ahead of Nora, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Even he didn't understand why he was so pissed off, and that made him even more pissed off. He was trying not to take it out on Nora, and that depended on her dropping the subject. Thankfully, she did.

The entire train ride home was spent in silence. Nora held Lucas's hand while his leg involuntarily shook up and down beneath it, so fast it was almost a vibration. He felt like a rubber band about to snap. Every dark emotion was swirling inside of him, stirring up jagged pieces of debris, and he felt powerless against it.

When they got back to Marcus's apartment and behind the safety of their closed bedroom door, Nora finally said something,

"Will you please call Jeff?" she asked.

Lucas clenched his fists and set his jaw. "No."

"For me," she whispered.

The way she said those two soft words made him pause. He could feel her eyes on the back of his neck, waiting for a response. There was no way he could let Nora down... again.

Lucas took a deep breath, closed his eyes and finally nodded. "Fine, but I'll be on the stairs outside."

"Sure. Whatever makes it easier," she said.

Lucas took his phone and retraced their steps back down to the street level. Once there, he sat down on the first of the three wide steps that led up to Marcus's building. The night was warm and still, humid, with a full moon wadded up in puffy layers of clouds, only its glow visible. He took a few minutes to breathe before dialing Jeff's number.

"Lucas!" Jeff answered after a few rings.

Lucas swallowed nervously. "Yeah it's me."

"What's up?"

"Um... oh I was just calling to... um..."

"You need to talk?" Jeff suggested carefully.

Lucas nodded, then remembered that Jeff couldn't see him and said, "Yeah. If you have a second."

"Sure. Let me step outside. Everyone's watching TV and talking."

Memories of all those peaceful evenings at the ranch made Lucas sad as he pictured the scene. Jeff would be stepping out the back door, probably, onto the long wooden back porch where Lucas and Gus had talked the first night they'd met. Gus. The name stabbed at him, and he quickly pushed it away.

"I'm outside too," Lucas said.

"Bet you don't have the view of the sky that I do, though. Right?" Jeff asked playfully.

"It's cloudy here," he replied.

"So what's on your mind?"

"This is gonna sound really stupid."

"Why do you always start with that? Nothing you have to say is stupid, Lucas," Jeff said.

Lucas shrugged, even though once again Jeff couldn't see him. It was a compulsion, the instinct to start apologizing for his mere existence before he forced it onto somebody, but he didn't used to be like that and didn't get why he was now.