Reaper's Touch

Hex: Backwards

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there's something stronger — something better, pushing right back."
– Albert Camus

3 weeks ago

Hex plopped down onto Ember's couch the morning after talking with Gus at the bridge. Though they were still a couple and he had assured her he would "work on it," Hex knew there was little chance he would give up the drugs now. Gus had found the comfort he'd so desperately needed after Jeff's death, the comfort he had never asked Hex for, and it was too good to give up.

As much as she hated it, Hex also understood it, because she knew how good it was too! There was nothing comparable to being a drug addict in recovery. Knowing, in the midst of Life's every pain, that there was a way to feel so supremely wonderful it was illegal, and yet that thing was forbidden, was a unique kind of torture. There was no treatment now, no comfort, no balm. There was just experiencing Life's every pain in the full measure of its power. It would have been better if she had never felt the euphoria that she knew her brain was capable of feeling now, because all she did was long for it.

"Gus isn't here," Ember said, sitting down beside her on the couch. The apartment was quiet, with West working and Cricket in daycare.

"I know. I put him up in an extended stay in Riverdale," Hex said with a shrug.

"You did? Oh good. I hated to kick him out during winter," Ember said sadly, shaking her head. "I cried about it all fucking night."

"He wanted to sleep at the bridge. Said we'd done it before and it was fine."

"Yeah well we did a lot of stupid shit back then. We thought we were invincible, and I honestly have no idea how we made it out alive," Ember said.

"Luck," said Hex.

"I like to think it was our strategy. Our group. The fact that we wouldn't face any threat without back up. How's the old hood doin' these days anyway?"

"Riverdale? Same. New addicts have replaced the old ones, and the gangs still run the blocks and make the rules. I had to ask around for three hours before somebody finally remembered us and could vouch for us so they didn't kick us out or worse."

"For walking around in a public space?" Ember scoffed.

"No. They don't care if you're just passing through. It was the fact that we wanted to stay there," Hex said.

"Oh. I still hate that it's that way."

"It will be that way forever as long as there are drugs and people who want to use them," Hex said.

"Did you guys break up?" Ember asked.

Hex shook her head. "That was the plan. I had my mind made up. Then... he came to the bridge... we talked."

"Is he getting clean?"

"Probably not. He's in that whole, 'I'll do better,' phase that Adam would get into all the time, where he'd try to cut back and shit. I didn't even bother hoping after awhile, and I don't have much hope right now. It is what it is," Hex said.

She lifted her hand and let it fall on her thigh.

"Hex... are you strong enough to be around someone who's using?" Ember asked softly.

Hex nodded. "I'm good. I was never as badly addicted as Adam was, or Gus for that matter. Remember how easily I was able to quit when I got pregnant?"

Ember was quiet. The look on her face was worried.