Reaper's Touch

Lucas: Over

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
– Khalil Gibran

It was exhausting how often Lucas had to think about sobriety. The smallest thing could go wrong and he was back to the cravings. They weren't physical anymore. The physical pain, once his biggest fear, had turned out to be the easiest to handle. It was the random bursts of desire that tormented him the most. He would see something on TV or online, and it would remind him of those days and that high, and how good it felt.

"It won't always be this hard," Jeff told him.

Lucas and Gus were both hanging out at the tattoo shop, where they spent a lot of their time. Gus, because he worked there, and Lucas because it kept his mind off things.

"How long will it suck?" Lucas asked, rubbing his face.

"A year or so. It's really hard for the first few months to a year. Then it gradually fades, but it never goes away entirely."

"You still crave dope?"

Jeff shrugged, "Sometimes. Yeah. I'll admit that."

"You won't do it though, right?" Gus asked anxiously.

"Don't worry, Gus. You think I'd risk losing all this?" Jeff asked, waving his hand around at the shop. "My entire life revolves around sobriety. My job at the ranch, the shop... all of it."

"It was so easy to be clean at the ranch," Lucas said.

"Yeah, that's because you had all the support in the world, and relapse wasn't possible," Jeff said.

"Did you ever relapse?" Lucas asked.

"About a million times. Most addicts do. It's weird to hear a story about someone who didn't."

"Do you think I'll relapse?" he asked softly.

Jeff shook his head. "Don't think about the future. Think about today. Each day, one at a time. If you do that every day, telling yourself you'll make it through just that day, that's how you win. Those days build up until you have a whole lifetime clean behind you."

"One day at a time? That saying is so fuckin' cringey," Gus said, and Lucas laughed.

"It might be cringey but it's actually true," Jeff said. "You can word it differently if you want, but the concept is real, and it works. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a client waiting. Gus, watch the lobby. You know what to do."

A few minutes later the door opened, and Lucas looked over his shoulder to see three familiar faces. One belonged to his mother, one belonged to baby Sam, and the other belonged to Nora.

The moment didn't feel real.

For a brief fraction of a second, Lucas looked at Nora, and she looked at him. Her eyes were unreadable, but he could sense her guilt and nervousness. This couldn't be real... She couldn't really be here.

Seeing her again made Lucas feel panicky, weak and shaky, like being dopesick. His anger began to stir inside him. He wanted to hurt her, and the only way he could right now was to ignore her completely like she didn't exist.

"Mom!" Lucas exclaimed, looking away from Nora. He crossed the space between them and gave Sarah a hug. "Why are you here?"

"We wanted to surprise you!" Sarah said, laughing. "I had some PTO saved up. Hope it's okay! Marcus told us about the shop. We went there first and he said you'd be here, so that's where we went! We're staying for a few days!"

"NORA!" Gus yelled, jumping up as he realized who had just walked in.

Gus ran and threw his arms around her. "YOU CAME! YOU'RE HERE!" he shouted happily, jumping up and down like a little kid.