Ella ○ Harry Potter

Sixty Four: What Was It That I've Lost?

"Ella, please," he whispered, his forehead pressed against the heavy door. He couldn't tell where this door was, or what was it made of. All he knew was that Ella was on the other side of it. It was almost pitch black around him, only a soft light flickering right above him. "Ella," his plea escaped softly, shakily. "Where are you? I'm dying without you, I'm worried sick. Where are you? It's been a month." 

He knew she was on the other side. He knew she could answer. Just like he knew she chose not to answer on any of the other nights.

"Padfoot," her voice croaked. "I don' wan' be found."

"Ella."

"Goodnight," she said softly, and the darkness overcame him. 

Sirius opened his eyes, exhausted once more. He slept the whole night, yet wasn't rested even the slightest bit. Remus opened his eyes at the bed that used to be Ella's, in the dorm the two friends demanded to have. He straightened up, looking at his old friend.

"Shit, I fell asleep here," he mumbled. "I should get out before anyone sees me."

"Just say you came here early, the full moon's passed already two weeks ago." Sirius said numbly, eyes unfocused.

"You dreamt of her again?"

"This time, she answered." He raised his eyes at last, meeting his friend's brown eyes. Remus used to be close to Sirius, yes, but both of them knew that Ella was his second James. Remus could never be with him at the same depth. Remus wondered if the fact that both James and Ella managed to get this deep with Sirius was a sign of how deep relationships with Sirius could run deep, or whether the fact that Remus had no one like that made him to be the broken one, the damaged one.

"What did she say?"

"That she doesn't want to be found," he barely whispered, his eyes filled with tears. "I can't do it without her, Moony, I need her. I thought she needs me too."

"She's..." Remus always had something to say, but maybe this time there was nothing to say.

"I know." Sirius stated. "Okay? I know. She's fucking Voldemort's daughter, and he killed Cedric. In her face. Of course it fucks you up. Then her parents, and the message- it's all personal. He wants her, and it's terrifying, and in the midst of it all she finds out she could maybe bring everyone close to her back to life, or I don't know. I need to know she's safe."

"She spoke with you tonight though. I-"

"No, she's not fine. She answered, she's alive, she said nothing else- but I feel the burning." Sirius couldn't explain how he once stole a pack of cigarettes, and how the smoke burned his lungs and left the smoke and heat in his throat for days. How his lungs burned. He couldn't explain how that was the exact way he's been feeling for a month.

"We'll find her. I promise."

"What if he's got her?" Sirius had to keep his voice from cracking. "What if she's with him, too weak to resist and doing what he wants under false promises that she'd have the people she loves back?"

"She can never have them back though. Death doesn't give them back, not truly."

::

Her eyes fluttered open, and she felt like she hadn't rested at all.

She was wearing a tank top and loose shorts that almost reached her knees. There used to be a phoenix drawn on the pants, but it was hidden beneath layers of dirt. She was on a bed. She had to blink a few times to remember whose bed was it. 

She turned her head to the side, "Ah." she remembered. She went out the night before, and before anything or anyone could get her to go with them, one of Selim's men took her to his home. His photographs on the bedside with her extended family told her so. And the fact that he was nowhere to be seen and she was wearing her own clothes, though stinking and filthy, showed that he was trustworthy.