Ella ○ Harry Potter

Sixty Five: Between the Lines

"Thank you for accompanying me," Ella told the duo. She stood at the gates of Hogwarts, Selim looking grimly at her rigid form. "You don't have to stay," she said lowly for the two to hear. 

"I will," Yamac said, exchanging a glance with Selim. "For now, at least." 

It was a matter of time until she'd show signs, and the two knew that Yamac would be the best man to take care of it and her. Ella smiled sweetly, though her mind was getting a certain edge she needed to take off. Things got too slow for her.

"Ok, we cleared Yamac's stay for now, and... Filch should be here any minute- oh, yes." Ella, her back to the gate, turned around to face Filch. Mrs. Norris was chasing him and his grimace seemed less etched into his face at the moment. 

Filch stared at Ella, waiting, but nothing came for a moment, and then another, and then--

"ELLA!" Sirius Black's voice screamed, as he raced to the gates. Filch noticed how he wasn't slowing down and hurried to unlock the gates. Sirius tackled her to the ground, too tightly and too painfully, but he didn't mind her whines of pain. 

Selim and Yamac exchanged a glance, and within a moment Ella's arms wrapped around Sirius' shoulders as hard as he held her. 

"Padfoot," she whispered softly, and then felt his chest rumbling. 

"You're here," he barely concealed a sob.

"I'm here."

"You stupid ass bitch, what the fuck?" Sirius wondered, getting up and not helping her to her feet. "How dare you shut me off in your dreams? How can you disappear like that?"

"Cunt."

"Ass."

"You're mad at me." Ella said almost silently, as she stood up. Her high was getting low. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, but you can't do it, never again," he warned. "Promise me." he wiped his cheeks from any residue of tears.

"I do," she said simply. 

"Koda and Jorgitha are looking for you," he informed. "Everyone's worried sick, has been for weeks."

"I get it," she turned back to Selim, "thank you for allowing me to have space, and keeping me safe." she nodded, and turned away.

Yamac looked at Selim, as the two friends started walking into the school grounds. Filch heard the two speaking in Turkish between them, and though he hadn't understood a thing, he knew Yamac walked in after the two with a sense of importance in his steps.

Ella glanced back. They had different reasons for him being here, that's for sure.

::

Ella looked in the mirror as she washed her face. She cleaned her nose multiple times already, but she still looked and felt off. Maybe another line would get her to feel better? 

It's been ages since she's sat properly at dinner in Hogwarts. Yamac and Sirius both already knocked at her door to get her to hurry up and step outside, but she couldn't, not yet.

Another line would fix it. Just smooth the edges. Just get her through dinner.

That's what she told herself, anyway.

Ella leaned over the sink, hands braced on either side, eyes darting. If she hurried, Sirius might not notice. Yamac might, since he knew, and she was sure he'd be suspicious. But he wouldn't say anything yet, he knew she was in control. 

"You can keep it quiet," she whispered, like it was a pact. "Control is key. You're still in control."

Her hands shook as she reached for the small bag in her pants. They stunk, badly at this point, but she couldn't give up yet the comfort of her escape, she wasn't ready to admit she was back in Hogwarts yet.

Control. She had it. She had to.

She had just bent over the tiny square of glass again when the knock came. Louder, more insistent.

"Ella." Yamac. Not Sirius. That meant she couldn't stall him with charm or sarcasm, he'd want to see her.

Her pulse throbbed in her ears. "One sec!"

She wiped under her nose again, frantically. Her wand hand trembled as she spelled the surface clean. She looked in the mirror. Still not the same as ever.

Not herself.

Yamac knocked again. "Please open the door."

She couldn't stall any longer, so she washed her face once more, and opened the door with a sharp smile. Sirius almost didn't recognize her in the smile. 

"Yeah, I'm ready."

Sirius threw new clothes at her. "You're changing, El. Or else you're not getting out of this dorm." Ella looked at the clothes. Those were new, she couldn't recognize them. It was a sweatshirt that was obviously oversized and sweatpants that would loosely fit her a month ago, but now would be slightly too large. She nodded, and looked at Sirius.

"Thanks for the change of clothes," she smiled sweetly. "You're really my best friend."

"I know, now get on, I'm hungry." He could barely admit it to himself, but he'd admit it to Ella in a hushed whisper before he'd go to sleep that night- he bought the two of them new clothes because everything he owned was too baggy on him after a month of not being able to eat. A month worth of hunger took control now that Ella was back. 

Ella stepped back inside the bathroom and shut the door. She stripped off her shirt in one clean motion, catching her reflection again. Her ribs were showing. Her skin looked wrong in the green light of the dormitory, blotchy and pale. She pulled the sweatshirt over her head quickly, as if it could smother the thought.

The sweatpants practically slid off her hips, and she had to roll them twice to keep them on. She snorted. "Looking good," she muttered to herself, the kind of joke that didn't quite land, but she still snorted at it.

She opened the door again, slower this time. Her smile was smaller now, softer. Sirius looked up, and something shifted in his face. He was staring straight into her eyes.

"See? Not so bad," she said, brushing past them like nothing hurt, like the hallway wasn't stretching far too long, like the ground wasn't floating just a little beneath her feet. She was spinning, yet she was as steady as a rock. 

They walked toward the Great Hall together. Sirius beside her, Yamac just a step behind. She wondered, briefly, if they both thought they were babysitting her. Maybe they were.

"Everyone's gonna be staring," she muttered under her breath, only for Sirius to hear. He nodded, she was right.

"Let them," Sirius replied quietly without missing a beat. "You're here. That's what matters."

It was almost kind, almost enough.

The smell of food hit her like a brick wall halfway up the stairs. Her stomach twisted, not with hunger, but with nausea. She swallowed it down. She was way too full to eat, though thinking back, she wasn't sure when was her last meal. 

She'd sit at the table with Sirius and Yamac. She'd eat a few bites, force them down as hard as she could. She'd talk if she had to, and she knew she'd have to.

But when they reached the doors of the Great Hall, she stopped. Just for a second.

Yamac's hand gently touched the back of her shoulder. Not pushing. Just reminding. He was there, and Selim needed her to be strong. She brought enough shame, though neither of them said it.

Ella took a breath.

And stepped inside.