A Handful Of Moments You Wish You Could Change (Patrick Stump Imagine Story)

Add To The Chaos

You're sitting in Gabby's small bed, her head resting on your shoulder as you read her a bedtime story. Her eyelids are heavy, but she's fighting to keep them from dropping.

"...goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises...everywhere," You finish, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper.

You close the children's book and glance down at your daughter who's finally fallen asleep. The corner of your lip curls upward before you carefully slip out of your daughter's bed and pull the blankets over her, tucking her in and leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. "Goodnight, Gabby."

You walk over to the door and look back over your shoulder, smiling. You keep the light on the nightstand on and leave the room, quietly closing the door three-fourths of the way behind you.

You turn around and start walking down the hallway when you notice that the door to yours and Patrick's bedroom is once again closed. Usually the door is never closed, unless the two of you are...you know.

You approach it and press your ear against it, hearing the sound of someone crying.

You cock your eyebrow in confusion before grasping the doorknob and slowly turning it, pushing the door open and seeing the bedroom completely deserted. The lights are on, the bed isn't made, Patrick's phone is on the nightstand, but he's not in there. No one is. The crying you hear is louder now. But you don't know where it's coming from, or if you're just hearing things.

You're about to leave the room when you notice the master bathroom door slightly ajar, light shining through and creating a strip of light on the adjacent wall.

You cautiously make your way over and push the door open, revealing Patrick who's sitting on the closed toilet seat, holding his head in his hands as he sobs. Lying on the counter is an empty orange-tinted pill bottle on its side, its contents spilled all over the floor.

"Patrick?" You ask.

He lifts his head out of his hands and his red and puffy eyes grow wide, "(Y/N). I-I thought you were putting Gabby to bed."

"I just did. What...What's going on?" You ask worriedly, crossing your arms over your chest.

He opens his mouth to answer you, but he can't verbalize what he wants to say. Not that he knows what to say, anyways.

You pick up the bottle and read the label, "Zoloft?"

He stands up, "(Y/N), I can explain."

"You've been taking antidepressants and you didn't tell me?" You yell at him, your concern quickly being replaced with pique.

He snatches the bottle away from you and bends down, starting to sweep the small light blue tablets into the bottle.

"Patrick!"

"I didn't want you to find out!" He snaps his head up so that he's looking at you, "Okay? I didn't want you to find out..."

"What? Why?"

"We just already have so many problems, (Y/N). I'm away all the time, my son can't stand to be in the same room as me, my daughter thinks I'm this perfect person when I'm not, and then you...you have to deal with it all. And that's just to name a few. So I didn't tell you because I didn't want to add to the chaos, okay? I'm just sick of feeling like this. So I got some antidepressants. It's nothing you need to worry about."

"What? That's the most stupid thing I think that's ever come out of your mouth, Patrick." You place your hands on your hips and sigh. "You should've told me, goddammit!" You cry, tears starting to form in your eyes, "We've been together for more than twenty years, Patrick. And out of those twenty-something years, we've been married for nearly fifteen. We should deal with things together. Not alone."

"Just get out, (Y/N)," He mutters, hanging his head, "I don't want to hear it right now."

"No, this is my house, I can do what I want," You mock him from earlier that night. He meets your gaze. "You know, this is why we have problems, Patrick. Because no one tells anyone anything here. We all keep things to ourselves until we just explode and all the shit we've been suppressing for so long just comes out and results in a big fucking mess of problems that we never seem to solve. Instead we just...move on and act like nothing happened. That's why we have all these problems. Because this whole family, this whole life we've built together, Patrick, it's nothing but a big fat fucking lie!"

Patrick remains silent, playing with the pill bottle in his hands.

You shake your head, "You know, I thought this summer was going to be fun, having you back and all, but I'm starting to think I was wrong." You stand there for a little before turning on your heel and leaving the bedroom, slamming the door behind you.