The Gray Zone

CHAPTER 5

Next Tuesday

/Alexis' POV/

From day to day I caught myself more and more thinking about Jesse. I have always been kind of a day dreamer but now I spaced out more than ever. We hadn't talked or anything, but he was very hard to ignore due to the way he dressed and walked and his beautiful tattoos. Indoors Jesse often had a toothpick between his teeth he chewed on and I don't know why but it was a little bit sexy. I didn't told Madison about it, but I think she caught me a few times looking at him. Jesse himself seemed not that big anymore, there was still something about him I hadn't quite figured out by now but this "Big bad wolf" thing was gone and sometimes I could see him starring out of a window with an unconscious gaze.

I tried to deviate me – mostly with Sasha. We hung out in all the breaks and I went with him and a few other folks to the Borchard Community Park one time. It was alright and we smoked a bit weed but still it was boring to me. Sasha was the whole time next to me, made jokes, was cute like always. But that didn't really help. Well I mean, he was not even the problem. I was just tired of all this. 

At night I laid in my bed, couldn't sleep and felt this unbearable weight on me. I strolled through my room, listened to music, read books but nothing could make the numb feeling go away. I had felt this before, back when in Chicago, when I was stressed or hurt by people but now I felt as lonely as I had never felt before. There was a void inside of me that I could ignore by social contacts and work at day but it swallowed me whole when I said goodnight and went into my room in the evenings.

"Okay, I think we're done for today." I said and started to pack my bag.

Sasha and I had a free period, right before my Volleyball practice and I helped him with Math.

 "Yup... Thank you again, Alexis. I finally understand a little bit" He laughed, probably because he didn't have to do anymore exercises today. 

"No, no. You're doing well Sash. If we met more often you could easily get a B."

He looked at me and sighed a bit, but not in an annoyed way. "Well, I'm flattered but I really just want to pass the class. But ehm maybe we could meet more often to do other things." Sasha went with his big hand through his short hair as we walked out of the library. 

"Sounds good." 

His smile widened again. "I have nothing else to do now, should I watch your practice and then walk you home or something?"

He really was a good friend, but I didn't like it when other people were watching me doing sports, especially people that I liked. 

"That's nice of you, but I have to decline that. I think my coach wouldn't like it." I fibbed. 

"I can wait outside. I don't mind." We stopped at the front door of the gym and I looked in his pretty blue eyes. Again I had to turn him down, for what I was really sorry. 

"It's okay Sasha. Go home or something." 

His smile dropped a bit and I could almost see him frown. "Yeah ... okay. Thank you again and have fun."

I nodded and gave him a quick hug before going to the changing rooms. We spent almost the whole time together in school why would he watch one hour of this boring training?

Most of my teammates were already changing into their sports clothes when I entered and greeted them with a quick "Hi" before hurrying to my locker. Volleyball was one of the few things I liked here. The team was good and everybody was chill and Ms. Adams, our coach, was also pretty friendly. I changed as quickly as possible and got out of the lockers just before practice started.