The Gray Zone

CHAPTER 8

I took my medication in the bathroom like every morning, on other days I would have sighed at the uneventful day which laid in front of me and still I wasn't quite sure about us but Jesse's face came into my mind and let me forget this fucking black cloud that follows me around just for a moment. Like I was high – but stronger.

Mom dropped Levi and me off and we both went in silence to the main entrance where our ways would separate. I tried to look out for Jesse so we would have the chance to talk quickly before school but unfortunately he was nowhere to be seen and I wandered to my locker. 

"Good Morning." I heard Sasha saying as I was about to close the door and managed to smile at him. 

"Hello."

Something in his smile was a bit different and he carried the conversation on when we began to walk to our room so he would have other faces to concentrate on. Or his shoes. Or the walls. 

"Did you had fun yesterday?" He asked casual and I kept my answer as short as possible. 

"The lunch was good."

When we arrived at our usual group of friends he quickly began to talk with other boys about boxing or something, leaving me alone with Madison and a few other girls. When asked what I did yesterday I lied that I had to get some homework done and no one questioned it but Madison who look at me knowing.

Today I felt so uncomfortable in my skin, my whole body didn't seem to fit and even less this old band tee I had plugged into the some high waisted shorts. Everything felt wrong. Out of place. I was out of place and I didn't know where my home was at the moment. Definitely not the house I was living in and not the school and nothing. Wanderlust was the word I wrote over and over again on my papers this day. Jesse was nowhere to be seen. Sasha was very quiet today. I felt like total shit for no apparent reason. 

Kinda proud of myself that I had made it through the school today even though I've felt like collapsing more than once I said goodbye to my friends. I sighed as I began to walk; it was the end of November and still unbelievable warm. In Chicago it'd be snowing next week or so. Oh god I missed my city so, so much. 

Daydreaming of moving away I walked slowly and took many detours, from one building I felt out of place to the next one. Without a plan or knowing where I even wanted to got I looked around when I was a bit away from school and recognized that almost every house looked the same and I was about to start gazing at my moving feet again when something caught my attention – someone – to be more specific. In front of a small house to my left a very familiar tattooed boy was standing next to his black car. I stopped and stared at him across the street before he noticed me too and I could see him smile instantly which I took at an invitation to go over to him (Where else should I've gone otherwise though?). 

"Aaalex" Jesse laughed and we met in the middle of his front garden between the path to the front door and driveway. 

I smiled too because of this pleasant surprise and without hesitation he pulled me into a tight, comfortable hug. When Jesse let go he left his arms on my shoulders and now I saw that he had a toothpick hanging loose between his lips. 

"What are you doing here?" Jesse sighed snickering "I think your home is more this direction." 

And then he nodded behind me. Maybe not, I thought. 

"I don't know. Didn't saw you much around school today." I changed topics and Jesse shook his head.

"There was... a lot of shit going on. Sorry. But maybe we can do something now? You don't look happy though." Oh god there were those puppy eyes again and he took his hands off my shoulders.