The Gray Zone

CHAPTER 7

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" I asked him when he parked in front of my house and it occurred to me what a nice way this question was to phrase "Go with me in my probably empty house and make me moan into your mouth". 

I didn't want this to end now and by the amount of times he had looked over to me and smiled I concluded that he didn't want this to end either. Jesse cheerfully nodded before he remembered to play it cool like in every other situation and simply said "Yeah, why not". 

What an idiot. When I got out I took his hand in mine and held it as we walked towards the front door. 

"You're really cute when you blush" he smiled which made my cheeks probably even redder. 

I prayed that Levi was still in school so we wouldn't have to explain anything as I unlocked the door and went in, Jesse, still holding my hand, followed me. When I walked into the living room I abruptly stopped and Jesse bumped into my back. Levi was sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed at the TV at first and when then looked up and examined both of us. Quickly I let go of Jesse's hand and looked surprised to my brother and then to the other boy. An awkward silence filled the room until my brother opened his mouth. 

"Uhm... Hey" Levi said and looked at the both of us. Fuck. Nervously I glanced at Jesse who seemed as surprised as I was but luckily he found the right words 

"Hey, what's up player?" He laughed uncertain and walked over to give him a brofist. "You know" He then continued to explain himself "I was just chilling and thought about hanging out with err... you." Jesse glanced over to me and I stood beside him, unsure of what to do. "And I ran into Alex in front of your house." 

"Ahh, yes, I was just coming back from school." I lied and came to the realization that this would not go the way I wished it to. Man, I didn't even know if Jesse and I were "officially" in a relationship now and then this. Ugh. But my brother didn't seem to mind that much and just smiled at my (boy?)friend like he was the Queen of England. 

"Alright man, you wanna play Call of Duty?" Levi asked and handed him one controller.

"Yeah that'd be awesome." 

I still stood there and could see that Jesse was just as uncomfortable as I was and while my brother asked me if I was waiting for something Jesse turned around to me again and mouthed "I am sorry". "What are you waiting for?" My brother sighed annoyed.

"No, actually. I... I was just about to-" I stuttered unsure of what to say or do. It killed me that I was so close to be with Jesse again and now my brother was ruining everything. 

"How about you get us some water and then do your homework sis?" Levi demanded and I sighed before going to the kitchen. I took two water bottles out of the fridge and walked back to the boys, handing it to them an while Levi me almost complete ignored, Jesse said "Thank you, that's so nice of you!" and smiled at me for a moment. I sighed again.

I could hear them downstairs from my room, they laughed and shouted and talked and I was sitting in front of my messy desk and did Math homework and hated the world. After a while I couldn't concentrate on it anymore and distracted myself with Tumblr and other social media but nothing could keep me away from thinking of him. How close, yet unreachable he was at this very moment. I wrote some poetry, I read every poem ten times and then threw them away because they were terrible. My poems always sounded too corny, too pretentious. Exhausted I lay down in my bed; put some music on and texted Madison about random things. Then, when it was about five PM, I heard my mom entering the house.