The Gray Zone

CHAPTER 4

Of course I wore a big, black Hoodie with long sleeves on Monday. Autumn had begun so it wouldn't be too conspicuous but I felt uncomfortable. Normally I'd roll up the sleeves but today one wrong movement or a moment of carelessness and everybody could see it. Also, the two big letters were in the middle of my hand so I had to try to cover them up too. I saw Jesse and his gang already standing outside when we arrived, so I kept my eyes on the ground until I was in the building.

Sasha and Lilly both waited in front of room 204 because we had English together. They greeted me and talked a bit about their weekends. I tried to forget about Friday and my arm but it could still be seen, even though not that visible than on the weekend. Calm down, I told myself, it wasn't that special. You were stoned and he wanted to kiss somebody and made a joke. He'd probably forget about it anyway. 

"Is everything alright?" Sasha asked and looked worried at me. "You seem kinda afraid."

"Er, no. I just don't want to go to school, like every week." This seemed to be enough for him because Sasha smiled friendly again and ruffled his blond hair. 

"Yeah, same." I had to smile too now, his smirk was too foolish.

When Mrs. Connor came to open the door and we turned around to walk in I could see Jesse down the hallway, leaning against the lockers and looking not directly at me but in my direction. It was enough to let the worries come back to me.

Mr. Wou's lesson was boring and I bet not one single student in the room could understand 100% of what he was saying. I didn't bother to listen and my thoughts were back to Jesse Rutherford. Over the weekend I remembered that we'd probably kissed us long or maybe not. I didn't know, the weed made my memories blurred and unclear. After a while I gave up and glazed through the window. 

"You still look afraid of something." Sasha said when we met again in the break. 

"I don't know, Sash." I mumbled and tried to look away but he saw it as an appeal to do something so the next thing I felt was him hugging me tight. He was tall and had big arms due to his boxing training. Maybe that was why he wasn't that smart, getting too many punches on his head. I often helped him with Math in free periods. He smelled like Axe and fresh cut grass, the hug felt well and I didn't want to let go. 

Sasha was a good guy, the type of boy parents like, the ones that surprise you with flowers and those which heart you'd win if you came to their sport matches. 

"Thank you." I said politely and smiled again. 

"Hey, that what's friends for." He patted me on the shoulder and looked in my eyes for a long second. "Is it better now? 'Cause if not I can give you another one."

"That's cute of you, but no I think it's alright. We should probably go to Math now." Sasha nodded and walked right beside me, so that our arms would touch from time to time.

Everybody  had already sat  down when five boys in leather jackets and skinny jeans walked through the door. They didn't mind the late arrival and laughed as they made their way to the last row. Now that Jesse (and his friends who probably all knew too) was in the room I felt somehow embarrassed. He knew and I knew and he was possibly staring at me with his brown eyes and waiting for something like pulling my sleeves even more down or not saying anything. The only time I didn't look to the board was when I peeked to the right and saw Sasha waving at me, which made me giggle. He was such a dork. He wouldn't have done anything of this. Ugh, I needed to stop thinking like this. 

Luckily the period went over fast and Sasha, Lucy and Alice and me walked as a little group to the cafeteria. The two girls still sat with Sasha, a few other girls and guys and me, but we talked rarely. I was glad that I didn't join them because they seemed like losers. Not that I, or anybody on this table, were unbelievable popular but at least we weren't at their level. This may sound arrogant for someone who just moved here but I didn't give a damn. The other guys were also into boxing and they all had an eating plan so the results of their training were better, which basically means that Sasha always gave me his dessert. Today was no other so I ate two puddings.