Surviving

six

I've been prostituting now for three years, yup I'm still at it. I never would have thought that at fifteen years old I'd have slept with more guys than the average high school senior, yet here I am. Amber and Big Ash have basically been my mom and dad. No one will ever replace my mom, but Amber is a close second. When I got my period, Amber was there for me and showed me what to do, how to use tampons, and she even made me an appointment at the family planning clinic so I could get put on birth control. The nurses were a bit suspicious as to why a then thirteen year old needed birth control, but Amber told them I suffered from debilitating cramps.

Since then, Amber has constantly been checking up on me. She even tells me I'm like the daughter she always wishes to have one day. I'm so thankful for her; she really has been looking out for me since the day we met.

Big Ash has been great too. Whenever I've had a little trouble with clients, Big Ash is there for me and even sends his guys out to give the client a verbal warning. He may be running an illegal business, but his heart's in the right place. I guess it's safe to say that this is the first time that I've felt as if I have a family; a proper family. Growing up with just mom and myself, it got lonely. I always wanted to know who my dad was, but my mom kept all of that away from me. She would build up a wall, never letting me in. I felt like I deserved to know, I mean she is my mom and I deserve to know who had a hand in creating me, right?

I still haven't opened my birthday present. It's been three years yet I can't face opening it. If I open it, then that's the last thing I'll have been given from her. I won't have anything left of her. Sometimes I just sit in my room after a shift and wonder what mom would think of me right now. Hell, I know what she'd be thinking. She'd be wondering what happened to her little girl and how she managed to get caught up in the world of sex and drugs. Sorry mom, your little girl died along with you.

Right now, I'm in the kitchen making dinner for Big Ash and Amber. Usually, Amber will be the one cooking dinner but she was requested by a client and had to leave. I don't mind though, I like cooking. Big Ash tells me I suck at it, but he still eats it. As long as he has food on the table, he doesn't give a crap what it tastes like. His words, not mine. When Big Ash told Amber what client was asking for her, she looked like she'd just seen a ghost. His name is Craig - a regular - and I remember Amber telling me a couple months ago that she could feel herself really falling for him. Apparently he was different to her other clients; showering her with presents and stuff. Big Ash wasn't happy about it - he doesn't like it when clients start to develop a bond with us in fear that we'll run off or something - so he banned Amber from seeing him again. It's been a couple months now and I figured she would be excited about Big Ash letting her go and see Craig, so I was confused as to why she seemed so hesitant. I'm sure she'll tell me all about it when she gets back.

"Dinner's ready!" I yell out the kitchen door before preparing the plates.

I've made grilled chicken with vegetables and it honestly doesn't look that bad. It might taste like shit but hey, at least it looks appetising. After sitting three plates on the table for myself, Big Ash and Amber, I get out a few glasses and pour us all some wine. That's another thing; I occasionally drink now. I never used to, but after a couple of breakdowns over my mom and my new job, Amber had told me that alcohol will help to numb it all. She's right. Sometimes I'll spend most nights alone in my room, downing a half bottle of vodka until I'm incoherent. I love it; I even sleep better. No nightmares.

"Smells good little one" Big Ash says as he walks over to the dining table, pulling out his chair.

I smile slightly at being called 'little one'. I mean, I'm far from little but it makes me feel loved. I'd like to think that my real dad would have little nicknames for me like what Big Ash does. Sometimes I slip up and accidentally call Big Ash dad, but he doesn't mind. He'd just tell me that he understands why I'd say that, but to try and keep it to a minimum.