Surviving

thirteen

Walking hand in hand with Wilmer back into the church brings me some form of comfort. The way my hand fits into his, and the way he gives it a gentle squeeze when he feels my body trembling with anxiety is like my own personal high. I'm not used to this feeling; the feeling of being cared for, but it's nice. I could get used to it. I don't want to, but I could. Sadly, nothing is permanent.

"Please, don't let go" I whisper through a moment of weakness upon seeing Dianna and the rest of her family - well, my family - standing in the same spot I ran away from earlier. Dianna has her back to us, with a man's arms holding her, meanwhile Nova is sitting with Madison and another girl at the piano.

"I won't let go, I'm here sweetheart" Wilmer responds as we approach my "family", and my heart rate instantly increases.

"Wilmer" the man holding Dianna says, before his eyes shift down to me. He's an extremely tall man, and rather built from what I can see. Intimidating is an understatement. The minute our eyes lock, I shift my gaze to the floor, suddenly wishing for it to swallow me up. "My name is Eddie De La Garza" he says, and I have to lift my gaze back up to him. He's now looking at me with a warm smile and an extended hand for me to shake. I accept.

"Demetria.." I reply, my voice small. It's as if I've retreated back to the little girl I was on the day my mother died. Don't let them silence you Demi, she said. It's so hard to find your voice when your life keeps pulling you under obstacles.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you Demi. If you don't mind me saying, you look very much like my wife" he smiles as his eyes shift down to the small woman observing our conversation. She has a small smile on her face, but I can see the fear in her eyes. Fear that I'll say I'm nothing like that woman, but even I can't deny it. It's the eyes.

"I take that as a compliment sir" I reply, giving Dianna a reassuring smile. "I hate to be so blunt, but does this mean you're my dad?"

Eddie chuckles lightly, almost as if he feels uncomfortable by my question. I don't understand why. Maybe he doesn't want to associate himself with somebody like me. I wouldn't blame him.

"Uh, no sweetie. Eddie is Madison's father - that's your half sister - and you and Dallas have the same father" Dianna clarifies, her voice strong yet trembling slightly.

Wait, so I have a sister and a half sister? If Eddie is my step father, then where's my real father?

As if sensing my confusing, Dianna adds, "how about we go back to our house for lunch and then I'll answer any questions you have then?"

I look up at Wilmer, silently asking him what I should do. He simply nods his head and then gives my hand another squeeze.

"Okay, that would be nice.. thank you, Dianna" I reply, feeling a little scared at the prospect of being in a house with my real family.

"Alright, then lets get going" she smiles before clapping her hands together and getting the attention of Madison, Nova, and the other girl who I can only assume is Dallas.

Upon seeing me, Nova runs over to me and wraps her little arms around my waist. I immediately hug back, feeling better to have her next to me.

"Are you okay?" she whispers so only I can hear, and I can't help but smile at how caring she is.

"Yes baby girl, I'm okay. We're just going to go to Dianna's for some lunch alright?" I reply, gently placing my hand on her cheek before taking a fallen strand of hair and tucking it behind her ear.

"Is Wilmer coming?" she asks, again in a whisper, but from the chuckle behind me it's clear that he heard.

I look up at Wilmer for an answer, and he smiles at me before nodding his head.

"He is so baby, now come on" I say while stretching my hand out for her to take. I feel a warm hand hold my other free hand, and instantly know it's Wilmer. I squeeze his hand as if to say 'thank you', to which he squeezes back twice. I take that as a 'you're welcome'.

Hesitantly but with the help of Wilmer, we follow Dianna and Eddie to the church car park before agreeing to follow their car to the house we're having lunch at. I take the time in the car to try and steady my breathing and calm myself, but my hands are already shaking for a fix and I'm silently praying that I'll be able to fight the urge. I can feel my stash that's hidden in my bra pressing against my skin, and I feel both relief and fear at the thought of knowing it's there. Relief that I can turn to it if I need it, but fear in case I get caught. I don't want them to find out about it, then they'll definitely want nothing to do with me, whereas right now I actually have a chance at a proper family. I just hope nothing gets in the way of that.