Surviving

twelve

It's as if my body registers what's been said before my head does. All I know is that I'm running; running away from everyone in that church, away from that woman who says I'm her daughter. No, I can't be. This has to be some sort of sick joke. My mom is dead. My mom isn't that woman in the church who was giving me pleading eyes as she confessed how she knew me. I don't know her, and more importantly, she doesn't know me.

"Demi!" a voice yells behind me as I collapse outside the church entrance, heaving over a pot of plants as the contents of my breakfast threaten to come out. "Dem, breathe" they say. Wilmer. I feel the touch of his hand on my back which only causes me to release a cry.

"What's going on?" I choke out through my tears while trying to hide my face from Wilmer, but fail when he starts to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I feel too embarrassed to look up at him. I don't want to see the look of sympathy for me in his eyes, that'll just make me cry more. There's nothing I hate more than people's pity. That woman's eyes held so much of it that it makes me feel sick.

A couple minutes of silence fill the air as Wilmer gently holds me in his arms, allowing me to bury my face into his chest as my mind processes everything. Normally, I'd be having a panic attack or trying to get high after going through something so stressful, but just being in Wilmer's presence seems to help in itself.

"I have her eyes, did you notice?" I say in a whisper, my voice weak. It's true, we have the same shade of brown. I guess I also get my short height from her. My mom - well, my aunt - was a tall woman and I always figured I had my dad's height. Now I have my answer.

"I did notice, you have beautiful eyes Dem" Wilmer replies before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead, involuntarily causing me to smile briefly. Hearing him call me Dem makes me feel like there's an eruption of butterflies in my stomach, and that scares me. I'm not used to feeling whatever this is. Could you call it love? It isn't just love. I feel IN love. I can't be in love. I'm not capable of that. Love is something I remember feeling with my mom, Amber, even with Big Ash, and Nova.

"Oh my God, where's Nova?!" I panic, only now realizing that it's just the two of us outside.

"Shh Dem, she's okay. She's with Madison, they're playing the piano inside" Wilmer replies, and my heart rate starts to decrease with the comfort of knowing that she's okay. I hate that she witnessed me in such a weak moment. I want her to see me as nothing else but strong.

Adjusting my position so I'm now sitting in between Wilmer's legs with his arms hugging my waist, I let myself lean back into his embrace, bending my legs slightly. I try and take in the moment, listening to the sound of the wind rustling through the trees and the birds in the sky, but it isn't working. My mind is running a mile a minute. I don't know what to do. I've just met my birth mother and the rest of my family, and the first thing I did was run. Something I've always been good at I guess. It's normal to be scared though, right? I mean anybody would react how I did. I'd like to think they would anyway.

"Wil, what should I do?" I ask while drawing circles on the back of his hand with my finger in an attempt to distract myself from the pounding in my heart as his arms tighten around me.

"Do you want my honest answer?" he replies softly, moving his head so it's nuzzling into my neck, causing me to giggle.

"Yes, you're the only person - besides Big Ash - that I feel I can trust" I admit in a sigh while my hand lifts up to meet the side of Wilmer's head, allowing for my fingers to run through his hair.

"Well, I think you should give them a chance. I've known the De La Garza's for many years and I know that they're good people. I also know that they lost a child, which I can now assume is you, and that Dianna has been coming to Church every single day to pray for your return. She never got to watch you grow up, she missed out on a lot Dem, and I think now she wants to get to be a mother to you like she should have been" he says quietly into my ear before lifting his own hand up to meet mine and intertwine our fingers. "If you want, I'll stay with you for some support. The choice is yours though. We can either walk back in there and talk to them, or we can go get Nova and leave now. I'll support whatever you decide to do" he finishes, and I feel his lips meet my cheek in a quick kiss.

"Thank you" I reply, taking in what he's said. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. If I lost Nova and then out of no where she showed back up in my life, I'd want nothing more than to pull her into a hug and never let go. And Nova isn't even mine, not really anyway. Dianna lost her chance to be a mother to me, and I know in my heart that she deserves that chance. Besides, it'll be nice to have someone look after me once in a while. I'm a little tired of being so independent.

"So, what's your decision?" Wilmer asks as we stand to our feet, patting off any dirt from our clothes. He has such a hopeful look in his eyes, and that look only intensifies when I tell him that I want to give them a chance.

"Lets go inside" I announce while holding my hand out for him to take, and much to my happiness, he does.