Surviving

ten

Thankfully, Trey and I managed to sell just over half of our stock that night. One guy ended up buying two bags of coke, one bag of pills and all the heroin we had so it's safe to say it was a pretty quick night and that guy was gonna be absolutely wasted.

But anyways, today's my eighteenth birthday. I'm no longer an orphan so to speak. I don't have to hide from the care system, but it's also the anniversary of my mom's death. It's really hard to believe that it's been six years since I discovered her body, lifeless in her bed. Comparing then to now is just too painful.

Big Ash has even gone out his way to get up early and cook us all breakfast to celebrate the day. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. Never in the time that I've been here have I seen him cook anything, but it warms my heart to know he's doing it for me.

"Smells good" I say while pushing Nova's chair in towards the table a little. I don't want her spilling anything on her clothes, even if she is twelve years old and totally capable of eating without creating a mess.

"Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells then; I don't do this for just anyone you know" Big Ash chuckles while piling the food onto each plate.

"I know, I really appreciate it. Thank you so much" I reply, smiling up at him as he playfully smiles back.

That's another thing about Big Ash; it's rare to see him smile. I mean, I'd see him smile every once in a while when Amber was still alive but ever since she died, he's been lifeless. I overheard him admit to one of the guys a couple nights after she died that he was actually in love with her and hated himself for never confessing it to her. I always thought they had some sort of chemistry together, and knowing how he felt only makes my heart hurt for him.

"What you thinking about Dem?"

Nova's voice pulls me away from my thoughts of Amber and Big Ash, and I glance in her direction to see both her and Big Ash looking at me with curiosity.

"Nothing, I just wish Amber were here to celebrate" I admit, my voice quiet and fragile, "I wish my mom was here too"

Big Ash doesn't say anything and instead throws me a sympathetic smile to which I reciprocate. Nova rests her hand on top of mine, causing me to look at her.

"I know it's sad they're gone, but you got us. We're a family, right?" she asks with happiness in her voice. God I love this little girl. Regardless of the heartache she's been through, she still tries to find a positive in every situation.

"That we are baby girl, now eat up before it gets cold" I say before grabbing my own knife and fork to tuck in to my breakfast.

* * * *

"What's that?" Nova asks me as she walks into my bedroom while I sit with my still unopened birthday present from my mom in my hands.

"It's a gift I got from my mom before she died. I haven't opened it yet" I reply, slightly disengaged from everything.

"Aren't you gonna open it?" Nova asks before climbing up onto my bed, cuddling into my side.

I think about it for a minute. A part of me wants to open it; it feels like the right time now that I'm older. Another part of me is scared. What if I open it and it taints the memories of my mom? What if it's nothing? Knowing my luck it'll be some sort of chocolate that she saved up to buy me and I've left it in a box for six years, letting it get all mouldy. Gross. Regardless of what's inside, it's time.

"Yeah baby, but do you mind if I open it alone?" I ask quietly, looking down at Nova to see her already looking up at me, a smile on her face.

"That's okay. Happy birthday Demi, I love you" she says before engulfing me in a hug.