Surviving

seventeen

The Scorpions didn't seem to care anymore once they killed Big Ash. In fact, they just told us to leave and that they were going to torch the house. I didn't pick up any of my belongings except for my songbook, and neither did Nova. I think the both of us were glad to see the place burn; even if it was home for us. And now we're here, sitting in the back of the cab once again. Nova has been crying non stop since witnessing Big Ash's death, meanwhile I'm trying to be strong for the both of us. My mind is trying to process the day's events but I'm at a loss. How can someone experience so much devastation and loss in one single day? It's ridiculous. I'd laugh if I didn't feel so broken.

The cab driver doesn't make conversation, and for that I'm glad, I wouldn't know what to tell him. So instead, I sit still with my arms wrapped around Nova, wondering what's going to happen to us now. I've lost the only family I've really known. I've lost the man who took me in and gave me a job, albeit a bad one, but a job nonetheless. He cared for me and held me through countless breakdowns and panic attacks after meetings. He may have ran a house for prostitutes, but not once did he ever mistreat me or make me feel horrible. He made sure I was fed and that I was as healthy as I could be. I mean, I guess he thought I was coping okay, and I was. It just wasn't how he thought.

Before I know it, tears are streaming down my face as I mourn for the only man I've ever seen as a father figure. He was my hero, my saving grace, my dad.

Nova's little hands wipe my face dry, only allowing for more tears to burn my skin. I giggle at her act of kindness and mimic her actions by wiping her own tears away.

"You were so brave in there baby girl, I'm proud of you" I tell her, my voice dry and tired. My entire body feels exhausted.

"You were brave too Dem. Big Ash would be proud of you" she replies, starting to cry at the mention of his name, and it causes me to do the same. "I love you, please don't die Demi" she adds, now starting to cry harder than ever.

"Oh Nova, I love you too.. but sweetheart, there comes a time when we all have to go but I promise you I will fight until the very end. Okay?" I say in hopes of reassuring her, but not quite believing my own words. I have to though. I have to keep going. I've come too far to just give up, and I certainly won't leave my little girl behind to pick up the pieces. She deserves better.

"Okay" she croaks while trying to catch her breath.

I rub her back and sway our bodies slightly as we approach the familiar gates from earlier. My stomach twists with nerves. I don't know what to tell them. I don't even know if they want to see me again after my confessions from earlier, but I didn't know where else to go when the cab driver asked me.

We come to a stop and the cab driver turns his light on before turning around to face me.

"Young girl, let me tell you something my father once told me" he says, and for a moment I don't know what to say, so I simply nod for him to continue. "Your hope lies in accepting your life as it now lies before you, forever changed. If you can do that, the peace you seek will follow, forever changed" he finishes, sending me a soft smile.

"T-thank you" I whisper as a lump forms in my throat and I shake my head to try and stop myself from crying, again.

"Don't thank me, just remember that alright? Now go, I've got this charge covered" he says, and I find myself staring at him in disbelief.

"No, sir I can't let you leave without any payment. That isn't how this works.." I say, looking into his eyes with confusion and complete shock evident on my face. I have come across very few acts of kindness from people in my life, this being one, and honestly it's foreign to me. I'm not used to having things done for me without me having to do something in return.