Object Shows x Reader Oneshots (DISCONTINUED)

II | baseball goes on My 600 Pound Life !! (crackshot)

"AND THEN MY BIG ASS FELL LIKE A BOWLING BALL!!"

The camera shows Baseball tumbling down the stairs like a 90-year-old senile grandma, making a 'thud' with each step he hit.

A FEW MOMENTS BEFORE...

"Hey y'all! My name is Baseball; I'm 23 years old and I weigh 625 pounds." Baseball introduces himself to the camera with a smile. "Um... I guess my addiction to food started when I was like- 6 years old. I came home one day, and my mom had surprised me with McDonalds since I did good on my report card. Once I tasted that Big Mac..."

Baseball starts tearing up, covering his mouth with his hand. "*sniff* I remember thinking... *sniff* DAMN THAT SHIT WAS GOOD!!!!"

"When I was in high school, everybody used to call me Big Booty Baseball because that's when I had hit 400 pounds. When it was Chicken Leg Thursday, I used to steal everybody's food because that shit was so good, I had to hit seconds like the Twin Towers!"

The camera follows Baseball into the kitchen. Each step he made shook the floor like someone was getting hit with a damn hammer, you'd probably think someone was getting murdered. "I remember it got tuah point where the lunch ladies had to lock the lunchroom because I kept sneaking out the pizza rolls. I took so many that a whole class didn't get any for lunchtime."

Baseball starts tearing up again. "When they found out I did it *sniff*, they told me to do 20 pushups but shit- *sniff* I could only do 2!" He starts crying rubbing his nose on his sweater.

The camera cuts to OJ, the hotel manager. He has his arms crossed and he looks like someone shat in his cereal, which they probably did. He's currently in a bathroom stall smoking a cigarette.

"When they told me Baseball was moving into my hotel, I damn near had a heart attack because I just knew his big ass would have me paying for a pregnant lady's diet TIMES TWO!!"

The camera zooms in on OJ's face dramatically.

"When I got my first bill in the mail, I almost shit out my heart because that bill was so damn high you would've thought I was chilling with Bill Gates!"

"When I try to do my bills at night, I sometimes hear him stomping around in the kitchen. He slams the fridge door open like it owes him some money! One time I thought somebody placed a bomb in the living room, but it was actually Baseball falling down the stairs! Hell, I almost grabbed my boyfriend, Paper and went down in the bunker cause I thought World War 3 happened."

The camera cuts to Baseball and OJ in the kitchen. Baseball rummages through the fridge while OJ sits behind him writing on some papers. Baseball slams the fridge closed and stands up with a burger in his mouth and a milkshake in his hand.

OJ sits up to look at Baseball. "...Do you always have to eat like that?"

"Like what?" Baseball replies, muffled since he's chewing like a damn pig.

He throws his hands up in exasperation. "Like a pregnant whale!"

Baseball gasps, offended. He clutches his hand over his heart like he's (finally) about to have a heart attack. "Excuse me? I didn't know this hotel was filled with bigotry!"

"Yeah, it is big alright! Do you know how much I had to pay on the bill last month!? $300,000 DOLLARS!!" OJ banged his hands on the table.

"Well, it's not my fault your broke ass can't afford my lifestyle. I need to eat too!"

"Yeah, cause you been eating for two!! We had to lock the kitchen at night because you kept stomping down to the stove to check for some extra food. BUT YOU ALREADY ATE THEM ALL AT DINNER!"