You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 8}

Trigger warning (just being careful)

I curled up into a (not so tiny considering my weight) ball. I was shaking uncontrollably and my breathing had become laboured. It hurt to breathe in.

What was happening to me?!

I felt two arms wrap around me which only made me panic more. Physical contact is sort of alien to me. See, my mom and I don't have that sort of a relationship (I promise I'll explain later but I can't even think about mom in this state).

"Saskia," my ears distinguished a soothing voice over the rowdy noises my mind was creating. "Breathe baby girl." Baby girl. Marissa. The only person who has ever been there for me is here again.

"I-I'm s-sorry." I choked out between wheezes. My eyes were still firmly closed. I couldn't bear to look at people watching and laughing at me breaking down.

"Hey, hey! Don't try and talk. Concentrate on your breathing." I felt her change position behind me. I was probably squishing her.

In her new position she pulled me into her chest. "Feel my chest going in and out? Try and copy it yeh?"

I tried my hardest to push the voices aside and see if I could concentrate on breathing. I managed to reduce them to a level where I could actually notice my surroundings. I felt Marissa steadily breathing next to my left ear. I could also hear her heartbeat. It was somewhat soothing. It gave me a feeling of not being so alone in this world.

"Well done baby girl," Marissa pulled back. Hey! My breathing was almost back to normal. I didn't even notice. My mind was so focused on Marissa's steady heartbeat that I completely forgot I was hyperventilating.

I risked opening my eyes. Mar's blue eyes held a mixture of emotions. I couldn't work out if she was sad, worried, concerned, bored or angry....probably angry. Everyone's always angry at me.

I instinctively shied back from her. I got to my feet after quickly scanning the room. Everyone had left. Probably couldn't deal with my shit. Don't blame them. I'm such fucking baggage.

"Where you off to?" Mar got to her feet also. I shrugged and plopped myself down on the air mattress which was still in the room despite me not using it. I winced in pain as my bones hit the floor with force. Ouch. The mattress had considerably deflated since I arrived...

Marissa joined me on the er- piece of plastic(?!) on the floor.

She rubbed my knee comfortingly and sighed before she started,

"Saskia I know you're hurting but what you said hurt Demi. She loves you. You're right, she has only just met you but she's family so she loves you so much already." I cocked my eyebrows, forming a disbelieving expression on my face, "Honestly I can vouch for that!" She giggled at my expression despite the situation (which wasn't exactly giggle-worthy). "She was so excited when Amber accepted to come for Thanksgiving. She couldn't wait to meet you, Aubrey and Denley! And she really likes you. She was telling me literally just this morning how she wished you would open up to her a bit so she could get to know you more. So don't think she's lying when she says she wants to get to know you because she does! I promise you she really does!" She stopped and looked deep into my eyes.

"Okay." Was all I could say. Demi wanted to get to know me. Great. Still didn't help the fact I hated every inch of my being.

"I think you owe her an apology." Marissa looked at me with a stern expression. I didn't like it, she looked like my mom. "You did call her a bitch you little rascal!" Her expression soften as she ruffled my hair. "I think they're all in the living room."

I got up from the floor and headed to the bedroom door. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the stares and glares I would soon encounter downstairs. I guess I deserved it...