You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 13}

{Possibly triggering in places}

The next morning everyone was being ordered around by Dianna to get the thanksgiving meal ready.

I really don't see the point in thanksgiving. Everyone gets so worked up about stuffing their faces full of turkey and pumpkin pie. It's a food holiday. So as you're probably guessing, I really loathe it.

My anxiety has been through the roof all morning but I've managed to keep it internalised.

Maddie and I were set the task of laying the dining table and decorating the room with flags and shit. We were blasting music through her Beats Pill speakers. All was going well until Kelly Clarkson decided to pop up. The opening bars of 'Because of You' blared through the room.

Maddie screamed, dropping the cutlery she was holding. It clattered to the floor as Maddie jumped on the nearest chair, grabbing a glass for a microphone and started a very over the top and mock emotional performance of the song.

By the end of the first chorus the door of the dining room flew open.

"KELLY!" Demi screamed, then continued singing a long with Maddie. After turning the speakers up even higher she clambered onto the table.

I watched, amused by how much effort they were putting into the song. Their faces were both bright red as they were clutching their hearts dramatically. I pulled my phone out and filmed them for the last part of the song.

When their 'performance' was over Demi collapsed onto the table whilst Maddie bowed and blew kisses to her imaginary audience.

"DEMETRIA DEVONNE LOVATO GET YOUR LAZY ASS OFF THE TABLE AND GET THAT DISH I ASKED YOU TO GET 5 MINUTES AGO!" Dianna bellowed, appearing at the door. I immediately flinched back from her. Any screaming scares me because it's usually directed at me. Cole, mom's husband likes to blame me for basically much everything. The majority of the time it's not even my fault. Being reprimanded and smacked almost daily for things you haven't even done is pretty fucking annoying. Due to this, I had just assumed Dianna would be mad at me. I had sighed in relief when she had gotten angry at Demi instead.

Demi rolled off the table and padded over to her mom, her head hung low as she traced fake tears down her cheeks. Yes, she was being melodramatic. Again. Dianna ruffled her hair as she passed her at the doorway and chuckled.

"Girls this is looking awesome!" Dianna squealed excitedly. She came up and hugged me and then Maddie. "We're gonna be ready in an hour so finish up!" She skipped out the room.

"Mom loves thanksgiving." Maddie shook her head, smiling.

Demi pulled me into the seat next to her as we sat down for the meal.

"Do the best you can baby girl. Just pinch me if you're struggling." She whispered before Eddie said grace. I nodded, looking down at my shaking hands.

I would have to eat unless I wanted everyone staring at me and judging me. If I was skinny, then they'd guess that I just didn't eat much but a fat whale like me not eating draws more concern, right?

"Potatoes?" Wilmer handed the bowl to Demi. She put two on her plate before putting one on mine too. Great, I was going to be treated like a toddler now was I?

I stared at the potato. I'm predicting about 20 calories in that alone. And then there's the turkey slice Demi just dumped on my plate and the gravy and the pumpkin pie after and-

The room started to spin and then everything went black...

I squinted into the bright light as I regained consciousness.

"You okay sweetheart?" Dianna was standing over me. Only then I realised I was in the living room. I guess I was out long enough for someone to carry me through here?

"Yeh, I'm fine." I croaked, my throat was really dry.

"Dems go grab a bottle of water?" I hadn't noticed Demi sitting at the other end of the room. She shot Dianna a glare before heading out of the room.

Dianna let out a loud sigh.

"What's going on?" I asked curiously.

She looked at me with some reluctance but answered anyway. "With you er- reacting badly to food kinda um- triggered Demi's eating disorder. She was determined to sit here with you but wouldn't touch the food I brought in here for her." She paused, looking reluctant again, "I'm not saying it's your fault because of course you can't help these things but- I kind of suggested that she went out to clear her head but she's so god damned stubborn and refused because she wanted to be here for you. She said she promised. But I just don't want her getting bad again." Dianna sighed again, this time even more deeply. "I really shouldn't have told you that. I don't want you feeling bad."

"No." I shook my head, confirming I didn't feel that way although I one hundred percent did. My voice luckily came out clear because I could already feel the sobs building in my chest. It was a mix of feeling guilty I'd triggered Demi and for causing some kind of friction between her and Dianna. I'd come between their mother/daughter bond and felt terrible for it.

However I was also incredibly happy Demi had made a valiant attempt at sticking to her promise and trying to stay with me. "I think it would be better if she kept away. I'm fine." My voice remained steady, God knows how I did it with the rush of emotions conflicting within me.

I valued Demi's recovery more than mine so although it hurt me that I had just agreed to distance myself from her, it was the right thing, right?