You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 18}

"I guess I should explain what's happening." Mom gestured for me to sit at the kitchen table with her. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself before purposely choosing the furthest chair away from her. It's not as if we were ever close but it's never been this awkward. Our fight at Demi's had been pretty bad and I definitely haven't forgiven her yet.

"So I know you've gotten close with Dems over thanksgiving," Mom continued. I shrugged, I guess we kinda had until I fucked it up... I placed my palms on my knees to try and stop myself from shaking in anticipation. I've just got this gut feeling that this 'idea' moms about to reveal to me is something pretty big. "And I know stuff isn't ideal here." A* mom! "So I'm giving you the option to move to LA with Demi and Wilmer..."

My hands covered my mouth and my eyes widen in shock. WHAT THE HELL?!

Leave my 'mom', annoying step siblings and the God damn monster himself, Cole?! YES PLEASE!

Wow, wow, WOW! OH. MY. GOD!

"A-are you s-serious?" I stuttered due to my shocked state.

Mom smiled genuinely, "it's up to you. She starts tour at the end of January so she'd prefer if you went pretty soon. Then before the tour you can make your final decision- like a month trial before making it official I guess. I know it's a short time to make such a huge decision but I think it'll be good-" mom rambled before I cut her off.

"I-I want to go." I said, with a little too much certainty in my tone. I wasn't completely, one hundred percent sure I was going to like life with Demi but hey, it would be better than Albuquerque right?! Especially after today with school.

"Sure?" Mom said. I nodded my head defiantly. "I'll text her now."

She quickly sent Demi a text before turning back to me.

"I'll miss you Sask, I only just got you back." Mom leant her elbows on the table, looking at me with teary eyes.

I looked awkwardly down at the table pretending to be highly interested in the light brown coloured wood. I guess I just didn't know what to say to that. Would I miss her too? Maybe a little... I guess I'm still in shock and can't really piece my thoughts together...

My phone buzzed, breaking the silence that I hadn't noticed, consuming the room.

Demi: YOU SAID YES?! IM DOING A CELEBRATORY DANCE🎉 SOOOOO EXCITED BABYGIRL💞🙈

I let a giggle escape my mouth at Demi's reaction. It was completely over the top. Like pretty much everything that girl does...

"Was that Demi?" Mom asked me, the tears brimming in her eyes now threatening to fall at any moment.

I nodded, slightly taken aback that she was getting emotional about this. She obviously didn't think twice about ditching me on my dad/grandparents doorstep at merely a day old. To be honest, it is kind of karma biting her ass. She left me so now I'm going to leave her.

"I think she'll be the mom you never had Sask." she looked at me with a sad smile. The tears were now silently making their way down her make up covered cheeks. "I really hope that you'll get better and finally receive the happiness you deserve."

So this is what it's about? Mom feels guilty? She feels like it's her fault for me being fucked up? True, it is kind of her fault. My life didn't get off to the best of starts but she can't stop the self destructing thoughts that invade my head most of the time. I can't believe she's doing this because she thinks she isn't good enough... but then again I always say she's not really a mom to me. But I hold the past against her, she didn't even contact me until I was 9 years old and I horribly resent her for that. I blame her for a lot but does she deserve it? I don't know.

I have to get out of here and clear my head. I stood up from my seat and headed towards the door.

"Where you going?" Mom's weak voice croaked. Her face was now stained with tear tracks. I couldn't work out the whole reason behind them. Regret? Maybe hope that I'd get better? I really do not know.

"Out." I answered bluntly, "I need to think."

"You're not changing your mind are you?" She asked, looking scared. Maybe she was just glad I was leaving her alone with her 'perfect' husband and kids and didn't want me to change my mind. As I said I really don't know what's going on with her and her reasoning.

"No." I said, just as bluntly. This is what I've wanted for a long time, right? To escape from Cole and a mom who I wasn't even sure loved me. "I'll be back before ten."

I quickly turned on my heel and made my way out of the house and into the street. When I hit the curb I started to jog. Physical activity always helps me clear my head. And for now I just needed to stop overthinking the reasoning behind mom sending me away. To be honest she wasn't exactly sending me away. It was my decision but eugh... I don't know!! I just need to forget. The truth behind mom's thought process didn't really matter, did it?

Usually by the time I'd run down several blocks,  my mind would be clearing up but everything was still rotating round my head at a hundred miles per hour.

I decided I needed to regain energy, not physically (I'm pretty fit being the captain of two teams) but mentally. Exercise wasn't distracting me like it usually did. Maybe I just had to face my thoughts head on?

I made my way to a kids park and sat on a bench. It was empty as the little children would be in bed at this time of evening and only then I started to notice it was pretty damn chilly outside.

I got a text from mom at 10 asking where I was, meaning that it had been almost 2 hours since I'd left the house.

I'd come to a conclusion. When the hell did I ever care about mom's opinion? Never. So why should I care now? She soon would be part of a closed chapter in the story of my life. She would be just short of irrelevant. Demi was my new chapter (if everything works out that is) and I should concentrate on the future. I shouldn't care why mom agreed to this plan. I should just be grateful I have the opportunity to start again with someone who understands me better and who I can connect to, someone who may be able to help me get my shit together.

***
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