You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 26}

I'd been refusing Demi's pleas to speak to my mom all day. She's not worth the time of day.

"Please Saski," Demi whined when NCIS had yet another commercial.

"I'm not going to speak to her." I said defiantly.

"At least tell me why," she said more softly, reaching for the TV remote and muting the car advertisement playing. "You promised you'd be open with me."

I shrugged, "people break promises." I stated matter-of-factly, avoiding eye contact.

"What do you mean by that?" Demi asked sensing the double meaning behind my words as she placed her hand on my knee.

"I mean that people promise they won't leave," I half shouted in exasperation. "They say they love you and that they care for you when it's all just fucking bullshit!" I was getting flustered with the sudden outbreak of emotions but I wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. "They leave without an explanation! They cut all ties and never look back! My mom and then my dad and then my mom came back to do it again! Your parents are supposed to fucking read you bedtime stories, take you to the park and cheer you on at elementary sports day. Not to fucking break you! My dad's out there somewhere and I doubt he even remembers he has a kid! To him I'm just a high school mistake! And my mom, she didn't even think twice about ditching me with my dad and now ditching me here with you. She said she loved me and if what she's showing is love to me..." I wiped the escaped tears from my cheeks, "then I think love is bullshit. It doesn't exist." My voice slowed from its heated anger to a more fragile, broken tone which I hardly ever let myself use. "Everyone who's promised they loved me has left, Demi. One way or another they've left. And I don't want to be broken all over again. Why can't people love me Demi?" By now I was almost pleading. I was a broken mess, begging for answers for all the disasters in my life. "Am I really not enough?" And my voice finally cracked.

I looked down at my lap in shame. I've never exposed myself like that before. I've never expressed how lonely in this world I've always felt, how desperate I am for just one constant in my life.

"You are enough," Demi whispered, embracing me tighter than ever before. "You are so much more than you think. You don't deserve any of the shit that's happened in your life. You are worth so much more." Her hands caressed my back as I tried to calm down. "But there are two sides to every story. Your mom sent this in the mail and I honestly think it may change your outlook on everything."

Wait? Mail from mom, saying what? What can she possibly say apart from admit to the fact she lied to me all along? That she never loved me, it was pretence?

"You're going to listen to what she says." Demi said, releasing me and reaching for a piece of folded up paper in her back jeans pocket. "You can't drown in your self pity forever. And I honestly think this may help you understand the past and realise that love does exist."

She held out the paper which I reluctantly took. I unfolded the paper to find my moms familiar scrawl fill the whole side. I shot Demi a glare for forcing me into this before turning to her writing. I guess my opinion of my mother cannot possibly get worse from reading this. It probably would be a whole load of bullshit which wouldn't change anything. In which case I'd oblige and read the damn letter but I'd never read into it. I won't let her destroy me any further.

It started with the simple words, Dear Saskia. And it ended up with well... you'll see what it ended up with.

Dear Saskia,

You probably hate me right now and you have every right under the stars to do so. But please hear me out. I should have told you all of this years ago, I should've owned up to my mistakes and I should've tried to help mend what I broke.