You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 9}

I walked down the stairs as slowly as possible. Stepping on each step with both feet to try and prolong my upcoming, inevitable apology. I was scared. I was worried about having to apologise in public. To admit I called Demi a bitch. Mom would throw a hissy-fit at my choice of language and everyone else will just judge me. I was even more scared to have to face Maddie, Dallas and Demi's reactions to my outburst and breakdown. They'd all hate me. Especially Demi.

Finally I made it to the living room door. I noticed my hand shaking as I pushed down the door handle. A mixture of nerves and the aftermath of the breakdown I'd just had.

Everyone turned to face me when I entered the room. God this was embarrassing. When I said everyone, I meant everyone. Demi, Dallas, Maddie, Dianna, Eddie, Wilmer, mom and even Aubrey and Denley.

I stood awkwardly by the door, playing with my fingers, "Er- Demi I just came to say I'm sorry for what I said," I mumbled, it was quiet but definitely audible in the silent room.

I looked up at Demi, she was curled up on Wilmer's lap. To be honest it was pretty damn adorable, if you're into that mushy-love stuff that is. Her mascara was slightly smudged indicating she'd been crying. Well done Saskia, nice one, you'd made her cry. I scolded myself sarcastically.

The room filled with an awkward silence. Great they all hate me.

"Well I guess I'll be in my room then." I whispered and exited the room. Before the door closed behind me I heard a shout.

"Saskia, wait!" Some part of me hoped it was Demi, deciding she could forgive me. But I'm not that lucky. It was mom.

I spinned on my heels to face her.

"You made Demi cry?" She snapped at me harshly,

"I didn't-" but mom interrupted me.

"I'm done with your bullshit excuses Saskia!" Mom was snowballing into a full on rage, she was screaming "I know your mind is fucked up but that doesn't mean you can take it out on others! You're embarrassing! At least pretend to be normal!"

"And you call me fucked up?!" I screamed back in a mixture of hurt, embarrassment (I swear everyone in the neighbourhood could've heard all that mom had said to me) and a jumble of other emotions. "I'm not the one that dumped her daughter on her stupid fuck buddies parents doorstep at the age of 1 day old! I'm not the one whose daughter didn't even know who her mom was until she was nine years old! Who grew up with her grandparents, bullied because she had no mom and had a dad who was god-knows-where! And I'm sure if your daughter's grandparents hadn't died, she still wouldn't know who her mom was! You abandoned me and reluctantly took me back. You had to keep me because it's the law. Not because you loved me or wanted me. And after all that you don't expect me to be a tiny little bit hurt and fucked up?! Well the jokes on you if you think you're my mother. You've done nothing for me. As far as I'm aware I'm an orphan and my parents are dead! Jaynie and Eric are my real parents. You don't even compare to them! You're a shit mom!"

I was shaking in anger. I'd just let every emotion and feeling about my past out. I was mentally exhausted. Remembering Jaynie and Eric made my heart break. They meant everything to me. However, I felt lighter. After 5 years of putting up with mom and her stupid-ass husband, I'd had so many feelings just growing and turmoiling inside me.

And I chose now to let it all out. In front of my whole family, almost strangers.

*****

Mo- no Amber had walked away from me, her face emotionless. Leaving me standing in the hallway outside the living room alone.

There was a silence after Amber walked off. I heard the door slam shut. Good riddance! I had no regrets about my go at her.

The silence was broken a few minutes later by a creak of a door behind me. I looked around to see Demi. Oh god! I cannot deal with another run-in with someone who hates me today. I literally do not have the mental capacity...

"You okay Saskia?" Demi said, cautiously as if I was an unexploded bomb. Maybe I was, maybe I could blow up a hell of a lot more than what I did already today? Is that even possible?!

I realised I hadn't replied to Demi's question. She was standing there, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other, looking sort of embarrassed.

"Yeh I'm fine," I said, letting out a long sigh. And the truth was, I was fine. I felt okay. I didn't feel particularly upset or angry anymore. I just felt, you know, alright.

Another silence filled the air between us. It was really awkward until-

"What the fuck is happening down here?!" Marissa screamed, galloping down the stairs.

Marissa clicked onto the awkward tension.

"Ahh-" she said, awkwardly. Yes, I'm using the word 'awkward' a lot but the whole situation was just so awkward the amount of 'awkward's I'm using is appropriate. "You alright Dem?" She looked at Demi with the same concerning eyes she looked at me with earlier.

"Yeh, yeh. I'm fine." Demi said, lightly.

"So er- what was the er- commotion about then?" Mar asked carefully, her eyes averting between the two of us.

"Mom called me a fuck up so I gave her an explanation to why that is." I admitted truthfully, shrugging my shoulders.

Again there was an awkward tension between us all.

Demi smirked sort of awkwardly, breaking the silence. The smirk turned into a giggle and the giggle turned into her obnoxiously loud laugh which made me jump when it suddenly filled the silent hall.

Marissa and I looked at each other, confused out of our minds.

Demi was clutching her stomach in tears. What the hell?!

"I-I," she choked out, she was completely red in the face, doubled over laughing, "it's just so awkward."

Pointing out the obvious award goes to Demetria Lovato.

"Come here guys." She motioned for us to bring it in.

Marissa and I shuffled toward the crying 'adult' (note the inverted commas used there!) and hugged her.

"I love you guys." She said, turning serious at the click of a switch.

"Dem, I'd love to stay and hear you professing your love for me but really have to get going. Mom's expecting me in like ten minutes." Marissa pulled back from the hug. She walked into the living room. "I'm heading off guys!" She shouted.

Demi and I were still half hugging.

"We'll talk later, yeh? Let's say bye to Mar." She pulled me into the living room to join the pile on which had started as a way to express their sadness of her departure.