You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 29}

"So he'll be here at midday?" Demi asked as she laced up her combat boots. She was just about to head out to her management's offices. I felt sorry for her. Yesterday I'd had to go too and honestly I never realised that you could get bored of the Internet. I swear I must have reblogged thousands of posts and noted a million more on tumblr and that's not evening mentioning my Instagram spam and the fact I quoted most of mean girls on dubsmash...

"Yeh he said his parents will drop by here first before going to his brother's." I confirmed. I had been nervously excited for today for the whole of the weekend and yesterday. Joel and I had texted constantly since he got in contact with me last week and I was comfortable speaking to him, he was really genuinely sweet. But having him here would be different, the only time we'd been alone was when he saved me in the school corridor and that stupid date. And now he was staying for the whole afternoon. Just me and him and I was seriously anxious. Mainly because he'd find out what I freak I actually am.

"I should be back by four. The takeout numbers are on the refrigerator." She grabbed her car keys before bringing me into a hug, "I'm only a text away. Have fun!"

The door slammed and I heard the car start up. I looked at my phone. 7.41am. I feel almost privileged that Demi is allowing me to stay here for over four hours by myself. I'd only been here less than a fortnight and yes, I'm clean and my eating has improved drastically but it's still early days.

I settled myself in front of the widescreen 3D TV in the living room, Demi's iPad on my lap. She'd specifically instructed me to look for and buy at least three pairs of leggings/jeans, a winter coat, hat and scarf (since apparently New York is really cold at this time of year. I wouldn't know, I had only ever stayed inside New Mexico until coming to L.A.) and some shoes other than my Doc Martens.

I felt so guilty spending her money and I had half a mind to just 'forget' but I know she'd be mad if I didn't. Plus I guess I'd freeze to death in New York. She had reiterated time and time again this morning that she had way too much money and that it didn't matter, that she wanted to treat me even though it was 'necessary'. What I did to deserve this, I really do not know. My sister is just a really selfless person I suppose.

I started by looking at the site Demi suggested since I've never actually shopped online before, yeh I'm a loser you all can laugh. Sure, I've looked but I've never actually bought anything.

It took me under an hour to find everything 'necessary'. Pressing the buy button on the iPad screen, I still felt incredibly guilty and I also felt considerably nervous. What if the leggings I'd purchased didn't fit again? Yes, they were a petite size 00- hopefully smaller than the TopShop size 00 but there was still a chance they wouldn't be small enough. What if Demi got suspicious? If I hadn't gotten any bigger would she think I'd been purging? She'd think I'd been lying to her. She wouldn't trust me. She'd chuck me out. She'd give me back to mom.

My breathing had quickened to a rapid pace and the corners of my vision had become dark. I panicked more.

I was alone. Having a panic attack. Fuck fuck fuck! I panicked more.

I fumbled blindly for my phone. Thankfully I found it easily. I managed to click on my ICE contact before pressing the speaker button.

My chest hurt like hell by now and my vision was practically gone.

"Sask?" I heard her voice, "is everything okay?" I tried to open my mouth to speak but I couldn't physically do it. The lack of control in the speech department sent me into a bigger panic. "Saskia are you there?" I tried my hardest to push out something, any word would do but all that came out was a muffled yet strangled cry. "Saskia breathe honey," her worried tone disappeared, replaced by a soothing voice. "You're okay. Just concentrate on breathing. In and out baby..."

I tried by hardest to calm down, I really did but I was in too deep. The dark world engulfed me.

"Saskia sweetie?" A vaguely familiar voice brought me back to planet earth. "It's Dianna. You're okay honey." I felt a hand run through my long brunette hair. The motion was soothing and I felt the remaining panic slowly leave my system.

"I'm sorry," I apologised, my voice shaking. I forced my eyes open to see the caring woman looking sympathetically down at me.

"No need to apologise. This stuff happens," she smiled sweetly, "You were out for a pretty solid amount of time though!" She laughed softly causing my lips to lift slightly at the ends. "Let me go and get you a drink whilst you try and sit up sweetheart."

Whilst Dianna was gone I managed to move my exhausted limbs into an upright position. As I've figured over time, panic attacks literally drain you of all energy.

Dianna came back shortly, passing me a glass of water.

"Thank you," I said, my voice embarrassingly weak and cracking all over the place, "for coming too." I added.

"I actually happened to be at a friends in the neighborhood when Dems called so it was no problem." We sat in silence for a few moments as I sipped on my water. Dianna kept looking like she was going to say something but she never did.

"I better text Demi," I said, looking around for my phone on the couch.

"I already have," Dianna said,

"Oh. Okay," I muttered, sensing some awkwardness setting in the air. I had a feeling Dianna still wanted to say something.

"Saskia I don't want you to feel like I'm being intrusive but," she paused, looking uncomfortable.

"No it's okay," I said, urging her to continue.

"I know Demi said you've improved a lot since you've been here but I don't want you to just patch up your problems. I want you to stitch them up, to close and sort them long term. You get that?" I nodded, not really seeing where this soliloquy was going. "I think you should see someone professional. I can see so many parallels between you and Demi when she was a teen. We tried patching her problems too but we never properly fixed them. And it would devastate me to see you in the same position as she was. I think we need to stop this before it gets out of our control. You don't have to give me an answer me now but I'll speak to Demi and she can speak some more to you about it. She still has a therapist and can tell you exactly what it entails. It's not as bad as it may seem. But it's just something to think about yeh?"

I just nodded. My incentive to get better is that I get to live permanently with Demi and if she wants me to get professional therapy or whatever I guess I'll do it. As long as I get to be with Demi it'll be worth it.

"Let's leave that topic for now?" Dianna sweetly suggested. I smiled in agreement, I'd think about that later. "So who's this boy whose coming to visit?" She kinked her eyebrow knowingly. She was so like Demi.

"A friend from home, er- Albuquerque," I covered my mistake, L.A. was home now right?

"A friend? Sure..." Dianna smirked.

***
I revised French and geography all of today and I can 100% confirm that I will embarrass myself in my French oral exam 😁
Thank you all for reading💘 comment and vote if you enjoyed xxx