You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 28}

{visual is of Saskia's outfit in case you care}

The next morning I felt like I had been slapped in the face. By someone wearing a concrete glove.

The realisation that my whole life up to now had been a lie had hit me unexpectedly hard. Discovering my dad was also my grandfather and on top of that he wasn't William Jackson after all, that I had spent 9 years living with people who were basically strangers and that they, my 'grandparents' were just guilt tripped into bringing me up was eating me and the break down I had jokingly promised Demi seemed not too far from the current reality.

It's just all so mucked up and my simple brain can't comprehend it. The information is literally crushing me. I feel like I have a huge assignment which is on some topic I know absolutely nothing about and it's meant for college students, for people a lot smarter than me. I can't even understand how to start sorting out the information to put it into a decent essay. I can't organise my thoughts. It just doesn't make sense, it goes against everything I've learnt before. Like when in elementary you always start counting from zero, it's the smallest number. But you find later on it's not and you have to come to terms with there being so many numbers smaller than it. That what you knew is wrong.

That is how I feel.

And I'm not coping.

I had managed to drag myself to the shower after Demi's wake up call. People always say the shower is where they contemplate life.

That is true. That is what I'm doing. And as I said,

I'm not coping.

I sink onto my knees, running my fingers through my hair and down my slick body.

My body is the same. Maybe my collar bone doesn't stick out so much but essentially there is no difference.

I tell myself I'm the same person. Over and over again.

But I'm lying.

I am completely different.

My identity- "Saski?!" I heard Demi's rapid knocking on the bathroom door, "you okay?" Her slightly frantic tone was laced with concern. I strongly dislike the fact I make Demi worried and put her through stressful emotions but I'm too selfish to walk away. She loves me and hell, I'm not giving up her love for anything.

"Yeh," I replied, intently concentrating on keeping my voice even.

"I'll be in the kitchen when you're done!" I heard her light footsteps recede until I couldn't hear her anymore before pulling myself off the shower floor. I quickly washed my hair before getting out and chucking on the same old pair of leggings and one of my new sweatshirts. I never really bothered with makeup when at home with Demi so I pulled on some socks and headed downstairs.

Demi was sitting at the kitchen counter on her MacBook, her black rimmed glasses perched on the end of her nose. She looked like she was concentrating on something important so I sat on a stool quietly in front of the prepared fruit and started eating silently.

I had almost finished the cut up apple when Demi broke the silence by letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Shit!" She gasped in surprise when she finally looked up from the screen, "sorry, I didn't realise you were in here!" She laughed at her over reaction.

"What you doing?" I asked curiously, a smile making it's way onto my face. Her laugh always made me smile.

"Trying to work out my fucking schedule," she let out a long sigh. She was obviously pretty stressed. "I'm meant to be practising for tour starting Monday for over a week, then I have a few days in New York doing press and then I'm back here for Christmas and then finishing off rehearsing before New Year. And then I just have the odd radio appearance and then I start touring on the 24th." She caught her breath before continuing, "You're going to be bored stiff next week as I'll be in meetings pretty much all the time. Mar's caught up in work too." She rung her hands in exasperation. "Wilmer's still filming and Maddie doesn't break up from school until next weekend so you can't go there."