You Can't Choose Your Family ➸ Demi Lovato

{Chapter 19}

I spent yesterday getting my shit together. Mentally and physically. The new day had brought indecisiveness and uncertainty about my decision. Well up to a few hours ago anyway...

Even though I'm kind of mad at Kaitlin for not stopping what those hoes did in Starbucks the other day regarding Joel and I's date, I decided that I should definitely tell her I'm leaving Albuquerque. She has been my only friend since middle school and I'm grateful to her for preventing me from becoming a complete hermit.

So I called her up when I figured she'd be in lunch period (I was suspended hence at home). She picked up after several rings.

"Hi Kaitlin," I said anxiously, kind of paranoid all her jock friends would be listening in.

"Wait give me a few seconds," she replied. I heard the scraping of a chair against the floor and a few mutters. I'm pretty sure she was excusing herself from her lunch table. She was probably embarrassed to be connected to a weird-ass like me...

"Hi Saskia," she said again a few moments later.

"Hi." I said, forgetting I was the one calling her so should probably start off the conversation.

"You called because...?" She pushed. Duh Saskia you douchebag! Stop being awkward and tell her.

"I'm leaving," I muttered in a low voice.

"Well duh," she sassed in a typical tone that only preps use. "You got expelled didn't you?" I could almost hear her laughing at me, I could tell she was holding herself back from doing so.

"Yeh well I dunno." I quickly murmured. "But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm leaving Albuquerque."

"What?! Where are you going?" Kaitlin sounded shocked. Well to be honest this whole thing is a bit sudden.

"I'm going to L.A. to live with my aunt." I kept Demi's identity unknown because I knew Kaitlin would freak out at her name and wouldn't let me explain anything.

"Ah okay. You have an aunt?!" God she's such a typical dumb prep. She knows I do! She's even spoke to Demi on the phone! She's so oblivious to everything.

"Yeh." I simply stated, hoping her small brain didn't click it was Demi. "My plane's this evening, so I just wanted to see if you were around to say, er- bye or something?" I finished awkwardly.

"I'm sorry but Joel's having a party tonight and I'm going to Anna's straight after school to get ready and stuff."

Great. I'd always known this was a one sided friendship but I didn't realise she didn't care at all.

"But- I may never see you again." I stuttered,

"I'm really sorry. Have fun in L.A!" She said chirpily, not sounding at all sorry.

She then hung up. And although I told myself Kaitlin didn't really matter. She did. She was the only constant in the past five years. She was the one that prevented a large amount of bullying I would've been on the receiving end of, just by saying she was friends with me.

And on top of that, she was going to be at Joel's house tonight which made me incredibly jealous.

"Screw you Kaitlin!" I hissed under by breath, punching the comforter on my bed.

So yeh, after speaking to Kaitlin my mind was made up. I decided that there really wasn't much to stay for. Apart from softball and basketball. But I'm sure I could join teams in L.A. .

And then there was the physical side of sorting my shit out.

I could only take one suitcase with a 20kg luggage allowance on the plane. I'd had to narrow it down to my favourite few outfits, photos of my grandparents and of the sport teams I'd been in over the years, a teddy bear my grandmother gave me which was my dad's when he was a kid, my keepsake box which was filled of memories of my grandparents, my makeup, my pair of doc martens and my diary. That pretty much filled the whole suitcase.

I left a lot behind but I had everything sentimental with me so I was okay with it.

When mom came upstairs telling me we had to leave for the airport I was ready. In my mind all I wanted to do now was to leave this place behind. Yes, I may miss aspects of it (I'm mainly concerned about sports) but I'm now 100% positive I made the right decision, thanks to Kaitlin.

Aubrey was at pre-school and I'd hugged her goodbye this morning. It wasn't particularly emotional as there's still a high chance of none of this working out and I'll be back by new year. Plus, she's only five so she doesn't really understand much.

Cole had left this morning too, but for work. He hadn't even given me a second look let alone a simple 'bye'. It didn't surprise me, he never liked me anyway. I wasn't part of his family. Just some inconvenient baggage that came with marrying my mom.

So after all my stuff was packed in the trunk of the car we headed off straight away.

As we started off driving down our street, I turned in my seat to stare at the building which, I guess, is no longer my home.

It may look nice on the outside. But it's been the center of all my suffering and self destruction. So to me it looks more like a hellish pit.

The place is filled with bad memories... The days when I first moved here, five years ago when I wouldn't even speak to my mom because I hated her so much for leaving me as a baby. Blaming her for my grandparents death. Grieving. A lot of grieving for my grandmother and grandfather. For the people who actually cared for me. Grieving for the only people I trusted.

That's how the first year or so went. Grieving and blaming.

The other 4 years weren't great either.

That building is just full of dark memories that consume my thoughts everyday.

The journey had been quiet. Apart from Denley muttering nonsense to himself, no one spoke a word.

I think it was because no one really knew what to say to each other.

It was awkward to say the least.

Arriving at the airport, mom wheeled my suitcase to the terminal doors and stopped.

"Tell Demi to call me." She said bluntly, before turning round and heading back to Denley in the car.

I must have looked like a complete antisocial idiot standing in the middle of the doorway to the airport. People were squeezing their suitcases past me but I couldn't get myself to move.

I was in shock and very confused.

Mom had been so emotional yesterday, crying and all. And just then, the last time I'd see her for a few weeks maybe for a while longer than that, she was completely emotionless. She left me without a second look. Exactly the way she did almost 15 years ago on my grandparents doorstep I suppose.

The (very) little trust and respect that I had left for that woman diminished in an instant.

She was a liar.

She never actually cared.

She didn't love me.

And the worse thing about it was, loosing her again hurt like hell.

Even though I never actually saw her as a motherly figure or never loved her properly (as I couldn't ever bring myself to forgive her), it was another person who was supposed to be my family who'd I'd lost.

My dad.

My grandparents.

And her. My mom.

Surely I was used to it by now? But no, loosing family hurts like a bitch.

***
Sorry for the irregular and less frequent updates. I have a lot of school work right now😓
I can't thank you all enough for sticking by me with this story! I really appreciate it and hope you're enjoying it! There's still a lot to come!