That night I walked myself back home. Dean had work and he just really couldn't be late, so he headed back to my apartment, by himself, to get his motorcycle, and then he left for work. I stayed out late, later than I've probably ever stayed out. I just walked around, thinking mainly. I got so lost in my thoughts that I kind of lost my way back home, but nothing a few strangers couldn't help with.
I really didn't know if I wanted Dean. I mean, he's a great guy and everything, but I don't know that if he's for me or not. I like him a lot so far, considering how short we've known each other, but I just don't know if he's for me. He deserves better, and me, I'm far from what he needs in his life right now, I'll just drag him down. Although I do get what he says when he says to let my guards down, and I have let them down, that's how I got where I am right now, letting my guards down for someone. We just aren't what we need in each other's life right now.
Plus, how can I have someone else in my life when there is still Drake? It's not like I like him or anything, because I don't, it's just that we made that stupid agreement. I was at the moment and I was really needy, I would've said anything to get that high. And I don't know how set he is on that, and if he is really set on it and I still keep seeing Dean, how'll he react. Would he start ruining things for Dean and me like he tried to do when I was with Colin?
Besides, I don't think I could keep seeing Dean if Drake's stupid agreement is really real. The guilt of hiding it from Dean would be too much, hell, it was bad enough hiding it from him today. Never mind being on edge whenever he's around Drake, Drake is like a ticking time bomb ready to explode any minute, and that's scary.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I saw that I had arrived at my apartment. I unlocked the door and quietly stepped inside, only to find Drake asleep on the couch with the TV and lights still on, along with dirty dishes on the coffee table. I silently sighed and made a mental note to help him learn to clean up after himself.
After shutting and locking the door behind me, I began quietly picking up his dirty dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. I then made sure everything was straight in the kitchen and dining area before shutting off their lights. I walked back into the living room and turned off the lights and tv, then grabbed a blanket and pillow for Drake. I tried to put his head on a leveled surface without waking him, so he wouldn't wake up with a sore neck, but he ended up groaning then waking up.
"Mm... Jay?" He said in a groggy voice.
"Drake, scoot down a little," I said, ignoring him.
He eventually listened and scooted down lower to one of the couch cushions, apparently he was too tired or too lazy to pull out the bed. But I placed the pillow under his head gently and covered him with the blanket, and I made sure he was comfortable after that. Once everything was clean and off, I began to walk away, but I heard Drake call my name.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you." He muttered.
"Uh huh."
I rubbed his hair and walked to my room, I noticed that it was much cleaner from earlier, that must've been Drake's doing. I thanked him, although he couldn't hear me. I stripped out of my clothes and sat them on the back of the chair to air out before climbing into bed and falling into a heavy sleep.
***************************
"Jay?"
I turned my head in the direction that I heard my name, but only to look at a blank, dark space. Then I heard my name being called in the opposite direction, but, before I could turn to see who was calling, there was only a blank space.
I started to walk around through the dark space. Although I tried, I couldn't tell where I was or what I was in, it had to have been a room, but it just didn't feel like one. It just felt different. Since it was dark and I couldn't see anything, I had to feel my way around. It was quite hard to do, considering that all I was feeling was the cold air.
