I woke up too fast this morning. My head was spinning, along with a headache. My body was covered in a cold sweat; my hair was sticking to my forehead. My mouth was watering, but not in the good way. I felt queasy and nauseous.
I tried taking deep, slow breaths to ease the urge. Needless to say, I didn't work. I ended up hopping out of bed, tripping over Max, but managing to fall right beside the trashcan just in time for it to come up. I heaved and heaved, yet nothing came up. I ate dinner last night, but I also let it out last night when I threw up then. I was beginning to have a sense of deja vu.
My bottom lip was quivering, a bit of spit hanging off it. I grabbed a hand towel and wiped it away. Max crawled near me and whined a little; he was making sure I was okay. I reassured him that I was fine, but I knew I wasn't. For two weeks straight, I've been having morning sickness. I've been fatigued. I've been extremely tired at odd times. I've been to the bathroom more frequently. And most of all, I missed my period.
I refuse to believe it... but I'm beginning to. At first, I thought it was just stress, so I was just letting it pass. Then when letting it pass didn't help, I thought that I'd just sleep it off. Needless to say, that didn't work either. I'm pregnant. That's all there is to it. Of course I haven't taken pregnancy tests or gone to the doctor yet, but I just feel it. I know the feeling, and I'm feeling them.
I groaned, letting my head fall in my hands. It's Drake's. I haven't had sex with anyone in the past two months but Drake. Lucas and I had attempted, but I wasn't into it; my mind was somewhere else. That was the end of our relationship. Long story. But, point is, if I'm pregnant, Drake is the father. The last time Lucas and I had sex with almost three months ago, and even then we used a condom and I was on the pill. The only time I had unprotected sex was with Drake that night. He came inside me without a condom, and I was not on the pill.
Groaning again, I began to stand up off the floor. My legs were wobbly at first, but I limped to the bathroom, Max followed behind. I had to check to make sure, even if I already knew it. Once I reached the bathroom, I searched under the cabinet for the tests that I had recently bought. When I had them, I placed them all on the counter in front of me. I sat down on the toilet, with it closed, and I just took a minute to calm my nerves down. My mind was running wild.
After a minute, I was calm enough, so I lifted the toilet seat up, pulled my panties down and sat down. Carefully reading the instructions before I did anything, I placed the stick between my legs and reluctantly peed on it. I had like ten sticks to go, so I preserved as much pee as I could. My hands were shaking the entire time. I was sweating still. And that headache was still present. I was a hot mess.
I lined all eleven sticks up horizontally along the edge of the tub, then of course washed my hands. It said to wait three minutes before anything happens. I decided to wait five, just in case they changed. Honestly, it was not the most excruciating five minutes of my life. Sure, my nerves were still going for the moon, but I knew that there was nothing that I could do if I was pregnant. I would never abort my baby, ever. No matter who it came from or how it was conceived; I'd still love that baby no matter what. However, I would more than likely attempt to give it up for adoption. It'd just be plain out selfish if I decided to keep a baby in my life with how it's going. I'm not stable enough, and I'd just be ruining its life if I kept it with me.
When the timer that I had set for five minutes went off, I stomach dropped. I was standing in the hallway, away from the sticks. It was too nerve-wrecking being in there with them, so I left. It was a horrifying moment when I had to walk inside the bathroom. My palms were sweaty and shaky, but I forced myself to calm down. No matter what happens, I'll handle; whether I'm pregnant or not.
I swallowed the lump that had formed, slightly alleviating the dryness in my throat. My breathing was heavy, I could hear it clearly. It was almost as if I could hear everything that was going on in my body; my heart beating, my ragged breathing, how fast the blood was pumping through my veins. It was crazy, but I had to do it. I had to know my fate. So, I looked, at all eleven sticks.
