"Mmm." I groaned as I felt my head pounding like crazy. I tried to move my hands, but they felt like they were tied down to whatever I was laying down on.
I cracked my eyes open before I let my eyes adjust to the light, but that was a bad decision because that only added to my headache that I had. I closed my eyes back, and slowly opened them, this time, to let them adjust to the light setting.
I started to scan around the room with my eyes. I saw Colin sitting next to me with his head in the space of his arms while his arms were guarding his head. I looked down at my wrists, and they were strapped down with some brown, leather, belt-like restraints. I tried to move my hands, but I stopped because I felt a huge amount of pain shoot through my wrist.
Looking down at my left wrist, memories finally started to set in again. I dropped my head back down on the bed and let out a small sigh.
"Colin," I whispered in a hoarse tone.
He quickly lifts his head up and stared directly into my eyes.
"Jay." He whispered, his voice low and gentle.
Quickly running to my side, he leaned down, took my face in his hands, and placed kisses all over my face. It reminded me of my mom.
"I thought you were dead." He said between kisses.
Finally, he stopped kissing and looked over me; concern and worry blazing in his eyes.
"How do you feel?" He asked, gently rubbing my hair back and kissing my forehead once more.
"Um, good.. I guess." I tried licking my dry lips, but my mouth was dry as well, so that was useless. He saw my dilemma and hurriedly grabbed a bottled water.
"Can you sit up?" Trying, I failed rather quickly because of the restraints holding me down. He mumbled a little something before carefully unbuckling the belts on my wrists. Looking up at me after he finished, I noticed how worn out his face had looked. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair was unkempt, and he was wearing the same clothes that he wore on our date, meaning that he hadn't showered since then.
"Here, baby." He placed his hand behind my head to help me sit up as he poured the water down my throat. That once scratchy, dry feeling in my throat was now replaced with a soothing, cool one.
Once he pulled the bottle away from my mouth, I quickly embraced him in a tight, loving hug. He reacted shocked, but his arm eventually wrapped itself around my back, pulling me tighter into him. My hands were gripping his shirt, trying to get him as close as possible.
"I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to. I just wanted to-"
"Shh, you're safe with me now, okay?"
I sniffled but nodded into his shoulder. He held me so close to him that I felt like one. I never wanted to be anywhere but right here. Because, as long as I was in his arms, I knew that he was there for me, and I wasn't going to have to face reality alone. But once he let me go, it felt like someone had just thrown me into a world of hell.
"Please don't let me go." I balled my fists with more of his shirt, hoping that he wouldn't leave me.
"I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He hugged me once more before gently removing my arms from around him. After I had let him go, he planted a small, lingering kiss on my forehead. "Don't be scared, okay? I'm right here with you, through it all." Those words swelled my heart. I knew that this was going to be a long road to recovery, and to know that he was going to be by my side through it all, it just showed how much he meant it when he said he loved me.
"I love you so much, Colin," I whispered. His lips met mine, and we shared a small kiss. I could tell that he was trying to be gentle with me from the way his lips were just lightly brushing against mine.
After he pulled away, he got his chair and brought it closer to my bed. He then grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles, reassuring me that he was still there.
"Why'd you do it?" He asked suddenly, yet gingerly at the same time.
"I wasn't meaning to kill myself if that's what you're thinking," I stated, barely above a whisper.
"No.. i-it's not. I'm just curious as to why you did it."
Looking down at my wrist, I began thinking. I had my reasons as to why I did it, but would they be enough a reason for Colin? Would he think that I was lying? I know, for a fact, that I couldn't lose Colin. I needed him entirely too much. But what if this was the thing that set him free. I seriously couldn't lose him, I wouldn't be able to bear another loss.
"Whenever you have doubts, remember what I said to your parents and you. I meant it, Jay, I mean it. And I don't know how else or what else to say to get that through to you."
I believed what he said, I could never doubt it. I'm just afraid that he would doubt it. What if one day he came to the realization that I wasn't the kind of girl he wanted, or I was just too much work for him to deal with. Or he realized that everything he said was to just get me for that moment and that he wasn't planning a future with me. He just wanted me at that moment.
"I don't doubt it."
"Then what is it?" He asked, lightly shaking my hand in frustration.
"I'm afraid that you'll doubt it." His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What if one day you wake up and find out that I'm not what you want? Or what if one day you see a girl prettier than me and you want her instead? What if you helping me through all of this becomes too much and you just give up on me? Or what if one time I fuck up so much that everything just starts.. falling apart? So, I don't doubt it, Colin, I'm afraid that you will."
He dropped his head, chuckling lightly, very lightly.
"Jay, listen to me.. no matter what happens, I will always want you. I won't wake up one day and realize I don't want you; I'll wake up and realize just how lucky I am to have you. I won't find a girl prettier than you because you're the most beautiful girl that I have ever met in my life. If there's one thing you never have to worry about, it's me giving up on you. I could never give up you, ever. And last but not least, nothing you do could ever be so... fucked up that things just fall apart. Look, Jay, I love you, and nothing or no one will ever come between that. Do you understand that?"
I nodded through the tears pooling my eyes. "Good, now quit crying and give me a kiss." He laughed, making me laugh before our lips met.
I knew that I could trust him already, but those words made me realize that I could confide in him and he would never ever let me down. That's all I ever longed for, he gave me that and more. From that moment on, I knew we were going to be alright.
...Till the Next Chapter...
