LIVING WITH MY BEST FRIEND-[c.h.]

chapter 7(the one with all the self harm)

-the next morning-

"how come you're not hungry?" Aaron asked me , eating his burned toast with nutella.

i turned my attention from my phone to look at him. "i-uh... i don't know i'm just tired.." i swallowed a huge lump down my throat. i looked back at my mentions on twitter that made my hunger "disappear"

in the first place.

'how can someone be attracted to a whale like her .i think aaron is just feeling bad for her and he's forcing himself to do a good thing by going out with her literally crying my ass off.'

some girl allison tweeted my picture in a crop top and shorts. -the picture was fake btw. it was photoshopped. i'm actually quite skinny well slightly curvy to be exact but it still made me feel bad. like who are you to judge people. is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? is fat worse than vindictive,jealous,shallow,vain,boring,evil or curel ? how can someone be so mean like so what if some girl has a bit more fat than the others . that doesn't make her worthless,not good enough etc.

i was so close to braking down and telling everything to aaroon. but i shouldn't . no i can't do that. i don't want the hate that's thrown at me to affect him. it would only be worse. so i'll just carry on and pretend like everything's okay .

"well . imma go now. i have soccer practice. wanna come" ha patted my shoulder.

"no thanks" i slightly smiled.

so yeah . that was the last conversation we had in weeks. i've been avoiding him ever since.

he just doesn't seem to care anymore he hasn't called me or texted me ...i've seen pictures of him clubbing on instagram so obviously he realized he's been wasting his time with me and just broke up without actually telling me .

today i woke up and when i was about to go to the bathroom i felt dizzy . it wasn't weird cuz i'm kinda used to it. i haven't eaten for 5 weeks now. and i barely have energy to be awake. i deleted my twitter account in purpose to stop hate. well that didn't turn out fine. i've been receiving phone calls from private numbers at least 5 times a day. and it's really stressful . i tried changing my number but they just keep calling. like .. i don't understand where did they get the number.

my life's a total mess at the moment idk what to do anymore. i lost so much weight , i don't even look like myself anymore. i went from 116 lbs to 89lbs. i want to gain weight but with all throwing up stuff i fucked up my body.

what have i brought myself into.

pale face, purple lips,fucked up body,bloody wrists.

i just wan to die.

//

up next..

kayla's parents are gonna find out about her depression and they'll make a choice that will totally change her life.