Oh Captain, My Captain: Jonathan Toews

chapter 13: over

I unfolded the story of my relationship and found that the only way to soothe the pain it gave was to down a bottle of grey goose and never move on. it'd been a month since we talked and it was killing me more and more everyday.

I drank to forget then drank to forget how much I had drunk. spiraling downward into a hole so deep i wouldn't be able to pull myself out.

I laced up my skates then walked out to the ice for optional skate. the only one who decided to do it. I skated hard from one end of the ice to the other while handling the puck. Q watched me from the bench and every once in a while hollered to me to keep my shoulders solid or my hip still when I went back for a slapshot.

we played Dallas tonight, meaning I was about to see my girl. keeping her out of my head had become nearly impossible.

"Tazer," a deep voice called from down the hall. I smiled and trotted over to Sharpie walking towards me.

"there's my assistant. decided to come back in red?" I asked playfully

we hugged briefly before I looked at him, "where's my girl?"

"Jon..." he began to say when Finn came walking down the hall.

"Finely!" I called. her eyes grew big as she walked back to where she came from.

"Jonathan!" Patrick yelled at me as he held me back. "she's too far gone man."

he handed me an envelope with a letter and what felt like her ring inside it.

"no. she's kidding me. she has to be," I sobbed. "what's his name Patrick? so I can cross-check his ass all the way back to Dallas!"

"Benn," he sighed, "Jamie. we joke she has a thing for captains. I'm sorry Jonathan!"

I looked at him and mumbled it wasn't his fault before going back to the locker room. I ran my fist through a wall before falling to the ground. my hands buried my face from the world because my world was gone.

I got ready for the game and skated angrily onto the ice and my eye locked on Jamie. I could take him.
the puck dropped and I skated to him. my shoulder pushed into him and I pressed him against the board with all my strength and watched as he fell against it.

"that's for stealing her from me," I growled before skating off.

we played hard and by the third were up by three. thirty seconds were left and I knew this was my chance. puck dropped and so did my gloves. Benn threw his down and looked at me. my fist flew to his nose and blood poured. I instantly picked up my gloves and skated off the ice.

Coach yelled every word he could think of at me but it went through one ear and out the other. I broke his nose, but payback wasn't done yet.

I pulled her ring from my locker and threw it into the floor before crushing the blade of my skate through it. the letter was packed away in my bag and I would read it later. but for now I was getting sloppy drunk.

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the vodka went down slow and rough. I danced around the bar with a perky blonde who was probably still in college and only liked me because I was a hockey player.

beer after beer I made myself forget her. her dark eyes, long hair, the way she whispered my name. Sharp watched me from the bar. he wasn't supposed to be here but he was the one was driving home. he made sure he was.

I threw back another shot and kissed the blonde. she tasted like whatever it was she had been drinking all night.

"would you like to go home with me?" I slurred.

before she could answer Patrick pushed her away and explained I wasn't serious. he took me home after that and watched me throw up my guts for a few hours before leaving for his hotel. once again I was alone and her letter was haunting me. so I read it. over and over again I read it. I hurt myself over and over again. she hurt me, but I still loved her.