Insecurity (Edited)

Chapter 49: Worst of both Worlds.

Can I say its been a lazy day ? Yes. Was it very gloomy ? Yes as well. Can I mention that my mind literally drifted off somewhere else while I was in the middle of a meeting ? It did, allot of times. The last time everything seemed so perfect was that one night in Paris. When I felt safe, when I felt like I had no problems to think about, it was the only day when one person made me forget about everything and I am pushing him away. Luke doesn't deserve this, but then I'm being the stubborn, small-brained, idiotic, little girl who allowed some bunch of lunatics to ruin my life and my relationship with others. I don't go out anymore, I rarely talk to anyone and when I do its very low. I only have my safe apartment and my Husky dog left for me.

I had just got back from work, I changed, had a light meal and then went up to the roof. I used to spend some days and nights up there when I want to think, it sort of helps. The rooftop of this place is not the type that is all walls and rocks, this one was actually decorated. There was a greenhouse owned by some old lady in the second floor, she's really nice. Then the rest of the residents who reside in this building tipped in to get tables, chairs, lightings, and a bit higher bars on the edge of the roof, it was perfect. I stood by the bar and put my hand against it. I felt a presence with me so when I turned around I saw Luke standing by the greenhouse, "What are you doing here ?", I asked him, he seemed startled, "I just... Come up here for air some nights.", he breathed, "What about you ?", he asked, I went silent, "Committing suicide ?", he teased, I couldn't find the ability to smile even lightly at it, he cleared his throat, "Sorry.", he said, "Its okay.", I told him and I turned around to face the other buildings. "Can we talk ?", he got closer to me and stood right in front of me, "There is nothing to talk about.", I told him, he went silent for a minute, "Are you serious ?", I sensed anger in his tone, "What's there to talk about Luke ? I don't think there is possibly anything to talk about right now.", I told him, "Oh, so you don't want to talk about the fact that because Scott ruined you you're avoiding me ? Because he put up the insecurity walls I brought down back in Paris ? Are you saying that that night in Pairs was and is nothing to talk about ?", he snapped, I turned to him with a shocked expression, "That's right Rebecca, I never talked to you about that kiss we shared, that more than just cuddling night, it turned into a make-out session Rebecca, and you felt it. Don't deny it.", he had anger in his eyes, "After being harassed, abused, and almost raped do you think I can trust just anyone ? Yes, I felt something and I liked it that night but don't blame things on me, you can blame the bastard and the psycho he's dating now for doing this.", I snapped back, "No, Rebecca, you are the one to be blamed, you are the one who couldn't stand up after they drugged you, I know Rebecca Forde is not the weakest person since... Forever now. Its your fault for being so weak and so childish, your flip offs and your replies to people may be savage and hurtful but deep down you are one weak girl I never thought I would come across. And the fact that he ruined you doesn't mean you should go off treating people who care about you like crap, Riley, Andrea, Kelsey, your brothers, your mother, me .", he breathed in the end, "Wow.", I shook my head, he sighed, "You know what Luke ? You're right. It is my fault. My fault that I let people do this to me. My fault for being the childish girl you can't stand right now. And you know what else was my fault ? That I actually felt something other than 'likeness' that night in Paris. Good night.", I walked towards the door, "Rebecca I didn't mean it that way.", his voice faded as I ran down the stairs and into my apartment.

I closed the door and I leaned against it. I can't believe he just said that, he said it so close to my face, I thought he was the one to understand things the most here. I was so mad. I had this mix of tears and anger all together, I just wanted to throw a glass material or something. I sat on the couch and Blue placed his head on my lap and did this whimpering sound, "Hey buddy.", I grabbed his face and I rubbed behind his ears and I kept crying. God damn it Luke, why did you have to make me feel like this ?

Writer's Note: Chapter 49! Uh-Oh, Lubecca fight and Rebs' tears  O_O Enjoy  it guys x