Demons

Chapter 17 - To What End?

Alec's pov:
It's the middle of the night, almost one week after everything happened – the attack on the pack and myself losing my legs (basically). I'm completely paralyzed from the waist down, but the doctors are saying that it's only temporary, that a wiggle of a toe will be a good sign and that the rest will come with time. Six days later, there's not a single sign of improvement. Sure temporary can be interpreted in many ways. I guess I just have a short period of time in mind. Despite of what they're telling me about nerve-regeneration taking time, I'm not really a patient type. I want to move around. I want to walk around and be useful. God, it's amazing how you miss those things when you can't do them.

Robbie has been going back and forth between his duties in the pack and his duties to me as his mate. We haven't really talked about the night when I got paralyzed, other than him calling me an idiot for going into those woods on my own, but that wasn't exactly news to me. That's the kind of person I've always been – the idiot. Even when I'm given such an honorable title as Beta of a pack, I'm also still the idiot because I don't really think things through.

Do you want to know what I spend my days doing now? Nothing. Well, I stare at my legs but that's hardly eventful if I might say so myself. I spend the day praying for some kind of miracle that my legs are fine and that I've just not put enough effort into moving them. That's not the case according to the tests. Ultimately, it just makes life miserable, though I don't say that out loud because I know Blake is having it worse.

For once I'm sleeping in this hospital room all by myself. Damian and Ivy usually sleep just fine, but they're now either not sleeping, or they're having nightmares and I can't freaking move over to them and soothe them back into sleep so they've been moved into Blake and Kate's room. I did hear Ivy talking to Kate the other day and I know Blake heard it because he was sitting by the foot of my bed. I was awake, but I didn't let him know.

That is all I can do these days – listen. I'm just third-wheeling pretty much everything these days. I'm just another defenseless pack-member that has to be protected.

- I've had enough of this...

I let out to myself as I try to reach out for the wheelchair, standing next to my bed. I haven't sat in it much, but whenever I have, Robbie has been the one to lift me over to it and push me around whenever he's had the time. That isn't all that much these days so I have to be patient for whenever he has the time, which isn't always when I want to.

I pull the chair closer to me and remove the covers over my legs. I have to physically move my legs over to the edge of the bed as I try to sit over to the side with my legs swinging. The moment I try to put weight on my legs, they immediately give way and I collapse. I'm leaning on my elbows as I still don't feel a damn thing below my waist. The wheelchair is standing next to me, but it looks like a tower from where I'm lying on the floor. Now I can't even be bothered to try anymore...

This just proves furthermore the helplessness I've been feeling this past week. I hate it. I freaking hate this! I mean, you haven't seen me do anything else than pull a joke about it, but that's just me putting on a brave face. The truth is that I feel more humiliated than anything. I can't do a damn thing by myself anymore. If I want to move around, I need help, if I want to wash myself or go to the bathroom, I need help...

I sigh to myself as I manage to pull myself up to a sitting position against the wall. I pull my legs up slightly and lean my forehead towards my knees. After a few seconds of sitting like this, I hear movement on the other side of the wall and the door opens. I don't need to look to see who it is.

- What the...Alec! What are you doing on the floor? Did you fall down from the bed?

Robbie immediately hurries over to me and is about to lift me back up on the bed, but I don't let him.