Demons

Chapter 2 - Out of Breath

Kate's pov:

I sigh slightly to myself as he gets out of the bed and leaves the room. It's been so quiet and distant between us, but no matter how much I want it to end, I can't find myself doing anything about it. I sit up from the couch across the room and walk over to the window-frame, which is just about the activity that I can manage. I hardly manage to get through the most vital Luna-duties in the pack, but after that, there isn't much left in me. Every ounce of strength in body just evaporates faster than I can get any use of it.

I'm near collapsing every day when I come to think of it. I hardly eat, I mean I do eat, but I don't eat enough. He hasn't said anything about it though. I doubt he even knows about my food-intake these days, but neither does he ask and neither do I tell him. I guess that after one month of trying to get to me without success, he had to find a way to get back to his duties as Alpha and as a father. It feels like he's slightly left me behind as I sit here, hardly capable of doing anything. Hardly capable of being a mother to little Damian because of what happened.

I sit down by the window in our room and pull my knees closer to my chest as I take a deep breath. I can hardly breathe these days. I don't know if it's the room or the silence or...no, I do know why when I think about it. I just can't bring myself to do anything about it. I can't bring myself to talk or even think about it. I know talking is what he wants, but I can't do that. There's nothing he can say that's going to change the fact that what happened was my fault. The doctors kept telling me it was just a way of nature, but it had to have been through me. Something must've been wrong with me for it to happen.

Kate, you have to stop doing this. It wasn't your fault! There was nothing you or Blake could've done to prevent it from happening. It just happened. My wolf keeps trying to convince me. She's been about the only support I've had in my solitude in here. However, she hasn't successfully managed to convince me about that. I can't, alright? It was my fault. There is no other explanation! I could've prevented it if I... A tear runs down my cheek for a moment, but I wipe it away almost right away.

Arguing with her like this takes too much of my strength. The possibility of her being right isn't strange to me. She's the smarter one, she knows things that I don't. For instance, when I found out I was pregnant with Damian, she was the one that kept me calm and she always knew what the right thing was during the entire pregnancy. This time however, there nothing she could say or do...

Kate, please, we can't keep doing this to ourselves. You and I can't keep having this conversation with each other every day and you can't keep on not talking to Blake about what happened. He's our mate. We both need him and he needs us. He wants to be there for you and me, but he doesn't know how. He won't ever know how until you tell him. You have to open up...

I sigh even deeper to myself and put my chin on the top of my knees as I get back to him. Blake. I sense his anger and frustration every once in a while, actually it's almost every day. No matter how much I want to talk to him when he re-enters the room at the end of the day, I can't bring myself to say a single word to him. I don't know why I can't because I love him. I trust him implicitly and yet, there's nothing but silence between us. I don't want it to come between us, but I don't have the strength to say or do anything or... He tried for a month and then he stopped. I guess that's where I lost him...

For a moment I look out the window and I see little Damian running around with some of the other kids in the pack. If only for a moment, I manage to smile as I look at him from up here. He's so happy and well-adored by everyone. He's just perfect. Despite of what Blake and I are going, despite of what's been 'normal' these past few months, he looks so unaffected by it.