Rebel (SVU Fanfic)

11

Elliot got up and told his children they might have a case, not wanting to tell them about Olivia yet.

Quickly, he sped to Olivia's apartment and knocked quietly. He had a key that she had given him when he was to check on her kids. He never gave it back but she never asked for it. He didn't feel comfortable using it though.

Olivia heard the knocking and jumped. She quickly got up and went to the door, only so her children wouldn't wake up.

She knew it was Elliot so she didn't hesitate when the door opened. She realized her mistake when she remembered she had been crying. Her eyes had to have been red.

"Don't knock so loud!" she whisper-yelled at him. "The kids-"

"I don't care about the kids. Are you alright?" Elliot asked seriously.

The woman in front of him hugged herself and decided what was the best thing to do. She decided to lie, as usual. "I'm fine."

"Then why did you call me? Why were you crying?"

He walked closer to her, after making sure the door was closed behind him. His finger tapped under her chin so her eyes were on his. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

With that, she knew she couldn't keep herself together. She was caught. Her dam broke and tears poured out of her eyes. Elliot wasted no time pulling her to him.

"What's going on?" he whispered, the two just standing in the entrance of her apartment, neither caring about the children in the next room. When Olivia stayed quiet, Elliot tried again. "Talk to me."

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," she stated quietly. "I think I'm losing my mind."

"Why?" he asked, starting to rub small circles on her back.

"I just can't get what happened out of my head. And...my kids. What if something happened to them? I would kill myself over it!" she choked out begging beginning a new round of sobs.

"Liv, you're gonna be okay," Elliot told her confidently. This was all PTSD. with counseling, she could be fine. Olivia was always bounced back.

"I can't act like this in front of them! They can't see me like this! I have to be the heartless mother they all expect!"

"Nobody thinks you're heartless."

"Nicole does," she said.

"No she doesn't. She did all those things to get your attention. And I think it worked."

"Well now I'm a mess and she's living the city life!"

"I doubt she's adjusted that fast. Liv, you need to take a breath. Alright? Breathe."

She looked at her feet and sucked in some air. She released it and did it again. She felt her jitters slowing.

"They're all fine. You're fine. We'll figure things out in the morning. Right now, you need some sleep."

She disagreed with Elliot on so many levels. But he was right. Things would level out eventually. She just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Elliot led Olivia to her bedroom and tucked her in. As Elliot turned to go to the other side of the bed, Olivia reached out and took him by the wrists, nails digging.

"I don't want you to go. Not yet," she told him. She needed comfort. And that she couldn't seem to find anywhere except in this man. Not even her children were helping tonight.

"I wasn't going to. I'm staying right here, for as long as you want. I promise," he told her, shaking a hand loose so he could touch her cheek.

She closed her eyes at his touch then nodded. He walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled right up next to her. She had no objections. In fact, when they laid down, she kept her head on his chest. His arms held her, one hand playing with her hair, the other rubbing her back. She was out nearly instantly.

And with this beautiful woman sleeping next to him, he fell asleep as well.

Not many hours later, however, he was woken by a murmuring. It was too dark to see, but he soon realized where he was and that the mumbled words were Olivia's.

"Liv?" he asked.

"N...No..." she mumbled while her body turned abruptly from her left side to her right.

Nightmare, Elliot registered. "Liv, honey, wake up," he whispered, touching her shoulder. She moved again, this time, fighting his touch. A little too rough. She flung her hand out and her nails scratched his cheek. It stung a little, and instead of feeling hurt or mad or frustrated, he felt surprise. She could cause that much damage in her sleep? Damn.

"Liv," he tried again.

Her words began to form more clearly and he knew she would wake up soon.

And with a small screech, she popped up, conscious.

Tears were falling down her face before either of them realized. Elliot went to comfort her when she yelled, "No!", pushing away the body.

"Liv, its me," Elliot said.

Olivia turned her head and realized what she had done. "El-"

"Don't even try apologizing. It's okay," he interrupted, not wanting to hear her not needed words. She couldn't help what had happened to her!

She scooted over to him and crawled into his lap. She felt a bit relaxed when he pushed her head to his chest and his rhythmic heartbeats gave her something steady and certain to trust.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"What did I say? No apologizing. You can't help this."

"If I wouldn't have accepted that damn UC-"

"You cannot blame that on yourself! You don't really have a choice in accepting those. You have to do it," he told her.

She nodded though she didn't believe him. "El, what's wrong with me?"

"You lived through something very traumatic. Your body is coping right now."

"Sounds more like PTSD. I'm not even a rape victim! He didn't rape me!"

"He still assaulted you. He had the ability to rape you."

"Yeah and I couldn't do anything about it! Fin had to save me! I can't even save myself!"

"Liv, you would've if you could've. You had no gun. Your head wasn't in the right place. You were meant to be vulnerable," he tried. He wasn't sure how it would play, but it seemed to work.

"It was so scary," she said, sound like to herself like a little kid. So childish.

"But you survived. You held your own for as long as possible."

"W-Would Cragen give me more time off?" she asked quietly.

"He's more than willing to give you time off, Liv. Don't worry about it." His voice was so soothing. Olivia clung to every word.

He could tell Olivia was already drifting. He pulled her body back to a lying position in his arms and kissed her head.

~•~

Nicole's phone starting beeping obnoxiously loud, alerting her a new day has started.

She slid her finger along her phone screen to turn off. The screen grew as bright as the sun and she squinted at it before getting up.

Quickly, she jumped a shower and went about her business. Just before she left, she realized her mother's badge was still on the table. Her feet carried her to her mother's bedroom and she opened the door. There lay her mother, with...Elliot?

She raised her eyebrows but then cocked her head to the side in confusion. How long had this been going on? Were they dating? Was this why her mother was acting so weird?

Was she even okay with this?

Her father was a prick, but that was still her father. This was some random man that was now in their lives. Nicole's mother seemed to trust him just fine, though.

She decided she didn't know about how she was feeling and headed out to make sure she caught the bus.