Are You Afraid of Musicals?

Chapter 7.8: Memories

Dani's pov:

There's... something.

Pressure.

I can't tell what it is, I don't understand what's happening... but it drags me.

I'm not sure where, or from where. Just that it doesn't stop pulling, that it doesn't let go of me as it slowly brings me to the surface.

It hurts.

The nothingness starts getting replaced by pain, creeping in slowly for a second, almost trying to be gentle, but then it explodes.

Fast, white-hot, unforgiving.

Everywhere.

But this time I stay.

I don't know where, I don't know why.

But I stay.

I'm surprised when the pain doesn't transform into darkness and instead it wears down.

It's not supposed to go like that... is it?

The darkness should come back, it's here, I can feel it, I can feel its claws on my skin trying to drown me back into the nothingness... but something doesn't let me drift, keeping me close to the surface and leaving me completely exposed to it.

And the world doesn't ask for permission before barging in.

I'm not ready when they come, but every sound, every smell, every touch forces itself into me, suddenly overloading my body and leaving me completely overwhelmed and unable to begin to understand any of it.

For a moment the only thing I'm able to focus on is the sharp beeping that pierces my ears until I could swear they bleed, but before I can even begin to decipher what it is or what does it mean, the air nearly chokes me as the chemicals in it hit my nose all at once.

It's wrong, everything's wrong.

The noises are too sharp, too loud, too artificial... just like the air. Artificial, too clean, full of things that shouldn't be there... but that somehow some buried part of me recognizes, making my stomach drop in realization even when I don't know what I'm realizing.

Because I find myself recognizing this place even when my head can't catch up, like a nightmare half-remembered when you finally wake up.

You can't tell what happened, but the feelings linger.

Heartbroken.

Unwanted.

Empty.

And under it all, something colder.

Abandoned.

And I don't know why.

I don't know why these smells, these noises make me feel like I've been left behind, like something had broken in me I can't put back together.

I don't know why it hurts the way it does.

But I don't have time to fully process those feelings, or to even start to process anything  at all as the world blinds me, light tearing straight through me and making my body tense as I close my eyes shut, sharp pain breaking me in half once again when I do.

I don't even recall opening my eyes, I don't understand why I did it, why it hurt so much, but this time the pain leaves something behind.

Because earlier I couldn't tell what hurt, it was all of me, it was as if I wasn't made of anything but that unforgiving, burning pain, but now I'm able to focus a little bit more and I recognize where the worst of it actually lives.