Are You Afraid of Musicals?

Chapter 5: Secret Relationship

Gabby's pov:

Today I woke up next to Dani, still wrapping her between my arms as if I could protect her from the world just by holding her close.

Yesterday we crafted an improvised bed for me next to hers using the couch coushins and a lost blanket, but I didn't even had the opportunity to try to sleep in there.

When we had it ready Dani insisted on me joining her in her bed for a bit and when she fell asleep with her head resting on my chest, I just couldn't move. I stayed with her, carefully tracing lazy patterns with my fingers on her upper arm, letting her rest after the exhausting and draining day that she had.

She was out like a light a few minutes after I got into the bed with her but for me, sleeping turned out to be an impossible task.

My brain wouldn't just shut up, repeating over and over again the panic attack, her confession and all the things she said, making me hold her tighter.

When I told her that I wasn't into "that stuff" she didn't know what I meant, she went straight to think that I was not into sex and the realization I had over that interaction hit hard. My mind went directly to the two kisses that we had shared, they were passionate, rough and full of heat, and everything but gentle, tender or loving.

I thought it was because she liked it that way, but the confusion I saw into her eyes yesterday? It made me realize that she does not know that there's another way.

I never liked the guys that were around her, at least the ones that were flirting with her in high school. Jason checked her out shamelessly every time he could, Paul was directly a dick and talked shit about her with his teammates and Jave... I don't even want to remember that phase.

We were not friends and I know that I'm not aware of all of her hook ups, but the guys Dani decided to pay attention to always surprised me. She always seemed to pick the wort guy she could, it almost felt like she was punishing herself or something, and now after being her friend and after what happened I just think that unconsciously, she didn't think that she deserved to be loved.

I don't know what those idiots did to her, I don't even want to think about how they treated her, cause if I knew, I don't know if I could stop myself from going after them and chopping off their precious little friend.

But I'll show her that there's another way.

I thought about talking it through with her but given the situation and knowing how she is, I don't think that's the best idea. I don't want for her to feel exposed or for her to be ashamed or afraid of being... really being with me.

So we'll take everything at her pace and I'll just let my actions speak. I'll be gentle, I'll be careful, I'll show her that there's another way and she'll learn it for herself, without making her feel like she did something wrong.

Cause the first time she was probably just letting her experiences guide her and she did it the best she could, I don't blame her, I can't, it's not her fault. She didn't know any better.

It might sound like an excuse cause I don't have any experience away from the night I spent with her, but I'm a teenager, my mom's a nurse and I already had that uncomfortable talk about sex with her.

She told me a lot of things and between all of them, she told me to be gentle, to be soft, to be careful until my partner and I could know what we were comfortable with. Those might sound as basics, but I've always had a mom that loved me and supported me, that was willing to teach me those things and Dani's parents have never been there to teach her any of that.

Dani's parents... that's another thing that just couldn't leave my mind during the night and the whole situation just breaks my heart.

When I asked her if someone was hitting her I lost her for a second, a darkness swallowed her eyes and I just knew that she was no longer there with me, but somewhere else in the past... with her. I didn't ask her directly, I didn't want to assume that her parents were abusing her, but her answer just told me everything I needed to know and yet, she was still trying her best to fix things and make her parents stay, to be a "family" again as if she thought that whatever happened was her fault.