To Hold Tight or to Let Go

Hurt people, hurt people

Kongpob woke up slowly. His head was thumping and the sun was casting bright sunrays through the bedroom. It was Sunday a day where he was up early, preparing things to spend the day with his son and his husband. This Sunday was different. He was waking up alone.

Groaning, he rubbed his throbbing head. He sat up and went to the bathroom to prepare for the day. He washed and then brushed his teeth and downed some pain meds. When he was dressed, he went downstairs. Soft music was playing from the living room speakers.

"Open up, yummmm." Arthit's gentle voice sounded through the kitchen. Kongpob peeked inside and saw their son kicking his legs happily from the high chair as Arthit fed him most likely a mango and papaya puree. He took a spoonful and laughed loudly. There was also pieces of pancakes on the table that Kingman was grabbing with his chubby fingers.

"Yummy right?" Arthit smiled and chuckled at their baby.

"Good morning," Kongpob greeted them. He saw Arthit's body stiffen. He continued to feed Kingman and ignored Kongpob completely.

"Hi my little one," Kongpob went to Kingman who kicked happily and held his arms out to be picked up.

"He needs to eat. Leave him," Arthit said sternly.

"I just want to give my son morning kisses," Kongpob replied.

"He's eating!" Arthit snapped.

Kongpob back away. "Should we talk things through P'Arthit?"

"There's nothing to say to each other. You said enough last night."

Kongpob gulped. He was drunk last night that was for sure but he remembered clearly what he said.

"That was the rambling of a drunk person Arthit," Kongpob said.

Arthit blinked fast, his eyes filling with tears. He continued feeding Kingman, but he couldn't stop his tears from falling. He was biting his bottom lip to hold back his sobs. Kingman took one look at his crying daddy and his smile immediately fell and slowly turned upside down. He was only six months but like any baby, he mimicked emotions when he saw them. So the moment he saw his daddy crying, of course he too burst out in tears.

"I'm sorry baby," Arthit sniffled. He lifted his crying baby from the high chair and pressed him to his chest and rocked him. Kongpob tried to go over and help but Arthit just bypassed him and took his sobbing baby to the living room while he too sobbed.

Kongpob could only watch. Arthit was more than an arm's length away from him, clearly putting distance in between them, making it impossible for Kongpob to try and help his husband physically and emotionally. In the end, maybe he deserved that.

Soon, Kingman had fallen asleep, curled against his daddy and Arthit was relaxing back against the couch, sniffling and kissing his son's head.

"Let me take him P," Kongpob said softly.

"No, leave him," Arthit whispered.

"He should sleep in his bed."

"Leave us alone."

"P'Arthit, I'm really sorry about last night," Kongpob said. "You know that I love you and I would never intentionally hurt you."

"But you did," Arthit shrugged. "We're married and you shitted all over me."

"I would have never said that if I were sober you know that."

"Exactly Kong. That's why I'm so hurt. It took you being drunk to admit to me how you feel."

"That is not how I feel!"

Arthit stood slowly, holding Kingman carefully. "I'm gonna prepare some stuff for us. We're gonna go stay with mae for a little bit."