To Hold Tight or to Let Go

Shared Time (One Shot)

The joy of having a baby was surely unmatched. Kongpob and Arthit absolutely loved being fathers but they also had to keep reminding themselves not only to take care of the baby but to take care of their marriage. Sometimes it was too easy to get wrapped up in Kingman and forget about taking care of each other and their relationship. They were both either too busy working or too busy being fathers. That meant they tended to forget about each other in the simplest ways, which often caused bickering. It didn't help matters that they were both sleep deprived from having a new baby.

After Kingman turned a month old, Maprang wanted to get back to her own life especially since she was recently dating. Neither Kongpob nor Arthit wanted to keep her from moving on but they also knew they still had to provide for her as per their agreement even though Maprang wasn't stressed about it. They decided on renting her an apartment of her own and paid for the next two months which complied with their agreement and had everyone feeling satisfied. But when Maprang left, Kongpob and Arthit realized just how hard it was to balance a newborn and their jobs.

"One of us should probably take leave," Arthit told Kongpob after they settled Kingman down for the night.

"Why? It's not like we'd be granted paternal leave. That's not a thing here."

"We can ask you father to make it a thing in the company. I mean, there are more and more gay and lesbian marriages since the law passed. Things are changing."

"Yes true but do we really need leave? I leave work early and mae takes care of Kingman for us while we're at work."

"That's not the point..." Arthit groaned. "I—I want to see my son more than a few hours a day."

"If you want to take leave P'Arthit then do it. No one is stopping you. Like you said, you can talk por and get it approved."

"Why does it sound like you don't agree with me about this?"

"It's not that I don't agree but how do you think mae will feel if we suddenly tell her not to come anymore because you'll stay home?"

"It won't be forever and she can still come and help but at the end of the day he's my son if I want to—"

"Our son," Kongpob interrupted. His voice sounded slightly sour and he gave Arthit a warning look.

"Are you mad at me for something?" Arthit asked.

"You keep saying 'my son, my son'. I don't like that."

"Sorry," Arthit grumbled. "But is that enough a reason for you to be so cold with me right now?"

Kongpob sighed and put his hands on his hips. "P'Arthit, I understand that when we became parents, most things in our life took a back seat because Kingman is our number one priority. But we shouldn't forget about some things."

"What could be more important that our son right now?" Arthit asked.

"Us!" Kongpob exclaimed. "Everything seemed fine at first but then you...I can't get a bit of time with you!"

"But when I'm free I need to be with Kingman!"

"That's the problem P'Arthit. You're never free outside of work. If you're working these hours and then you come home to take care of Kingman, where do I fit into your life?

"But Kongpob we both have to sacrifice since we became fathers."

"Sacrifice? Do you even understand that? I've been sacrificing all this time but it's like you can't see it. Do you even realize that I wake you up twenty minutes before necessary just so we can be alone and have coffee and talk to each other? But instead of using that time, you go and watch Kingman sleeping. When we're working and I insist on having lunch with you, it's because I want to spend time with you but you end up using the entire time on the phone with mae to see what she's doing with Kingman and then after that you do work while you're eating. I decided to take a pay cut to leave work early so that way when you arrive home we can share some time with Kingman and then we can reserve an hour or two together before getting to bed. But you just completely forget about the time you're supposed to spend with me! The only time you seem to remember you have a husband is when you want your ten minute quickies. It was fun at first because I understood that as new parents if we wanted to fuck we had to be creative with our time. But there's so much time we have now and you still don't take advantage of it. I want to make love to my husband! I don't want to continue having quickies and random hand jobs to take the edge off! I felt things getting worse with our time management and I asked you—" Kongpob took a deep breath as he felt himself getting worked up. "I asked you to let us both request time off so we can spend it together and we don't have to feel guilty about giving up time to b together if we still had ample time to take care of our son. You point blank refused and said it would be a waste and we shouldn't think like that. But now you want time off right? Now you want to create even a bigger separation between us by having paternity leave and spending all your time with Kingman rather than thinking about how to spread your time between us? I want to spend time with our son and take care of him but I haven't forgotten that I have a husband who also needs attention. Why have you forgotten it?"