To Hold Tight or to Let Go

Chapter Three

When Ohm entered Arthit's apartment, he found Arthit laying on the floor in his bedroom. All the lights were off and the curtains were drawn. Curled in a fetal position, Arthit was completely still and a flash of panic flooded Ohm's body. He rushed over to Arthit and knelt beside him. Arthit's eyes were open and he was staring blankly into nothingness as single tears dripped across the bridge of his nose and onto the floor under his cheek.

"Arthit?" Ohm brushed his gelled hair. "Did you take your meds?" After analyzing Arthit's blank stare and snapping his fingers in front of Arthit's face and getting no reaction; he surmised that Arthit was in his dissociating state and would be no use to him until he snapped out of it. Ohm set this bag down then picked Arthit up from the floor and carried him to the bed. He checked all over Arthit's body, knowing that Arthit liked to beat himself up when he couldn't find any alcohol to alleviate the pain he was feeling. It wasn't until Ohm undressed Arthit from the waist up did he see the yellow and purple bruises on Arthit's stomach and chest. He sighed hard and shook his head then went to get a wash basin so he could wipe Arthit down.

Halfway through wiping him down, Arthit came to. He blinked and looked at Ohm, new tears sliding down the side of his face.

"Are you back?" Ohm asked quietly.

"Yes," Arthit whispered.

"Where did you go?" Ohm questioned. Arthit had revealed to him that sometimes when he was in that dissociative state, he sometimes went to different places in his mind.

"Nowhere," Arthit replied. "Just darkness." Arthit blinked slowly. "It felt good."

"What felt good?"

"The darkness." He tilted his head to the other side and closed his eyes. "There were no hateful words there. No one being disappointed in me. No one demanding things out of me that I can't give. It was all just silent. And it felt good."

Ohm inhaled then exhaled slowly. "Arthit, I think you need to get yourself checked into a facility." When they first started their sessions one of the rules they both had for each other was open and complete honesty. Ohm was never going to betray Arthit by doing something without telling Arthit he planned to do it and Arthit wouldn't keep any secrets from him.

"I don't want to," Arthit replied.

"You're going to have to if you keep doing this to yourself." Ohm pointed at the bruises on Arthit's chest.

Arthit was quiet.

Ohm retrieved a shirt from the drawer and helped Arthit into it. "I'm going to order your dinner then you need to take your medication to help you sleep. It's Tootah's turn. I've already messaged him. He's coming over soon to spend the night with you."

Arthit sat up slowly, looking down at his hands. "Why should I put everyone through the trouble?" Arthit whispered.

"It's not trouble when everyone is doing it because they care about you," Ohm replied. "After you eat, take a shower okay? You shouldn't sleep with gel in your hair. Then you can have your medicine."

"Aren't you going to ask me what triggered me this time?" Arthit whispered.

"You know that you're free to talk to me Arthit. You don't have to wait for me to ask."

"Kongpob...has a boyfriend," Arthit whispered.

"But didn't we talk about this being a possibility? Didn't you tell me you'd be happy that someone is taking care of him because of how bad you think you hurt him?" Ohm asked.

"Yes P'Ohm but I—I didn't know it would hurt so bad seeing someone kiss him. And that guy, he was clearly trying to hint to me that he and Kongpob were closer than normal. Like he was warning me to stay away from what's his."