Don't be Upset

Nice talking to you again

Hannahs POV

I pull the phone up toy ear and watch my mother look at me. 

"Hello Hannah"

"hey" i don't know what to say to her. She left me and Izzy. I haven't seen her in over 5 months. I it very strange to see her this way. 

"How are you?" she asks in almost a whisper.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"I am good. Better than ever actually."

"Well thats good" this is incredibly awkward. But i know she's going to ask.

"What has happened to you Hannah?" thats not what i expected.

"What?"

"You usually have something to say like, why do you suck mom? or please just stop talking to me"

"Is that what you think of me? Someone who is mean to their mother?" my heart breaks for her words. I only did that when i thought life sucked. Life is stupid, but i don't want her to think i think she sucks.

"Well, the last words you said to me where, 'mom you are an awful mother. Just leave. Dont think of coming back' my heart was breaking while you said that. I understand, I was a drunk, mean mother. But i have gotten better! I promise" i remember saying that. I did mean it in the moment. I am not sure if i still feel the same way.

"I can see you are. I hoped you would be getting better"

"Why haven't you seen me since i got here?" she asks and my eyes widen.

"You can't be serious. You would expect me to come here and what? Forgive you for never being there for me? Never being a mother to Izzy? Or any of us for that matter? You can't expect Miranda and Trinity to forgive you either. You were drunk or high for their senior year. They needed their mother! But they are gone now, and I am almost finished in my senior year. You know what sucks?"

She doesn't answer but i continue.

"I needed you the most this year. Carson, he raped me last night." her eyes widen and look up at me. She is crying, but I'm holding back the tears.

"Yeah. Stabbed me many times. Kelly and Brad died last night, in your room. The house is now an investigation area. Niall is fine. I am fine. But i wouldn't have to be fine if you were there for me. I needed you this year mom. But you weren't thinking of anyone but yourself. I get that you have changed but that isn't going to fix this. You leaving us was probably the hardest thing i had to get through"

"Why? I am an awful mother. Why would that be hard? I was never around the begin with, so why would it be hard?" she speaks through her tears.

"Because you are my mother. Yes you were awful at it, but i learned how to be a stronger person because of it. You thought me and Izzy learned nothing from you but what pain feels like. But honestly, I have missed you not being around. Why? Because i knew you would always come back" I start crying and she wipes under her eyes after sniffling multiple times.

"Hannah, I am so sorry i put you trough that. I never knew you had hope in me"

"I had more than hope mother. I had courage in you. I trusted you that when you figured out that your life is messed up you would get some help, like i told you to. But that night, we fought and you left. But i didn't worry cause i knew you would come back, drunk, but you would be back. But you didn't come home. I heard a knock on my door and I opened to see a cop telling me my mother was going to jail for doing drugs and being drunk. My heart broke and i never thought i would be hearing those words."