Desolation // l.p.

Chapter VI

I hold my resignation in my shaky hand, trying to build up the courage to walk into Mr. Payne's office and shove it in his face. The paper is still warm from the printer I just got it from. I'd spent all of the afternoon avoiding Mr. Payne and writing my resignation, just to not be able to build up the nerve to give it to him. I have to do this- I deserve so much better than an assistant's job. I can do this.

There is only five minutes left of my shift until I am free and it's the five minutes I intend to use to tell him I'm done. Done with his shit. Done with this place and it's rude employees and disrespectful owner. I take a deep breath and open the door without knocking, Mr. Payne's gaze rises to meet my own as he sits at his desk.

"Ms. Fletcher." he clears his throat and sits up straighter in his chair. "I haven't seen you all afternoon, I forgot you even worked here." he smirks in an attempt at making a joke but my face falls a bit more upon realizing again why I'm here. It's too late for him to play nice or joke around, especially now that I've already made up my mind.

"I-uh- here." I stutter and hold my paper out for him to take. He raises an eyebrow and stands from his chair walking slowly over to me and staring down at the paper between us.

"What's this?" he asks and pulls it from my hand. His eyes immediately begin to read over it.

"I quit." I breathe out and can barely believe I actually managed to get the words out. They certainly didn't feel as good as I had hoped they would.

"What do you mean, 'you quit'?" he asks amused and looks up to me, crumpling my resignation in his fist. I blink down at it and then up to him, making sure he literally just did that. He can't do that.

"You aren't giving me the job that I want. There are many other Publishing Houses that will actually give me the job that I deserve-" I begin to explain when he cuts me off.

"Wanting something and deserving something are two different things. So which is it?" He asks with a bite in his tone. Nice going, you've pissed him off.

"Deserve. . . I deserve a better position-"

"Don't you think there is a reason that I didn't give you the job that you wanted?" he asks challenging me and I find myself wondering when the tables turned against me. I was just supposed to walk in here and quit and never come back. He wasn't supposed to question me or argue with me about it. I didn't prepare myself to be confronted by Mr. Payne, not after the crumbling day that I've had.

"I don't know but I can't keep working here. I deserve the job that I've spent the last six years of my life working towards." I continue to try and make sense of my earlier decision.

"You don't get it do you?" he laughs and drops the paper onto the floor. He trails back over to his desk, still smiling as if he knows a secret that I don't. "I know you deserve the Publisher job, Sarah. But you have to start somewhere in my company before I will even consider giving you a job of that much importance." he sits back down with an intense and serious gaze fixated on me.

"But why? You've said it yourself. I'm qualified. You just sat and interviewed twenty people today who-"

"Who have worked at my company for over a year now." he cuts me off and states it as if it's a fact. Knowing this now I feel a little better now at the fact that he interviewed people. They were people who he's known for a while now. I shake the thoughts from my head. That doesn't excuse the way he has treated me today. He was rude, and blunt about everything.

"That doesn't matter." I frown and try to hold my ground.

"Then what matters?" he asks leaning quizzically onto his desk. "What can I do to get you to stay?" his tongue peeks out to wet his full and pink lips.

"Nothing."I shake the thought of his lips from my head and clear my throat. I'm leaving this job, this shouldn't be this hard. What is holding me back from walking right out of those doors and driving far away from this stupid place. "There are more problems than just the job. I don't expect you to understand-"

"Look, Sarah. As far as I can see it you are lucky I gave you the job I did. My assistant keeps a close and- personal- relationship with me and there aren't many people I would think twice about hiring for the job I've given you the opportunity to have. So, this being the case, you can one; walk out of my office, this building, and never return and continue on living a mediocre life at some mediocre Publishing House. Or, two; you can leave this building and return tomorrow and we can both forget the fact that you are trying to quit just because it's getting a little more difficult than you expected it to be." he finishes with a satisfied smirk and leans back in his chair. his little speech has left me with little to say. What does he even mean a personal level? How could he consider an assistant's job, an opportunity? I don't understand anything that this man does.

I backtrack from his office, leaving my resignation on the floor and him without an answer. I walk quickly to my desk and retrieve my things, not wanting to spend another minute in this place. Everything just seems to be getting bigger and I'm only getting smaller. I can't believe he just gave me an ultimatum. Was that his way of convincing me to stay here? Part of me isn't sure why he would want me to stay, I wanted to quit on my first day. That shows how easily I can be to give up on things yet he is giving me a chance to come back? This entire situation doesn't make any sense and I'm beginning to wonder if it ever will.

Tonight I'm going out to get my mind off of this. Something about the way he gave me a choice to come back has left me second guessing myself. He must have bigger plans for me if he is trying to keep me, right? To be honest I'm not sure about anything.

I once thought that everything was so simple and obvious but Mr. Payne is teaching me otherwise. Whether he is purposefully making things difficult for me or not, it's certainly getting to me on a deeper level that is further from being something that I can just shrug off.

I walk by Victoria's desk and mutter a small goodbye, but don't receive one back instead I get a dark glare. Can't say I didn't see that coming. I walk with my head down to the elevator and wait anxiously as it takes forever to get to the floor. When the doors open I'm relieved and don't hesitate to get on so that I won't have Victoria shooting daggers into my back. Just as the doors begin to close a hand pops in and stops the elevator. My eyes find Mr. Payne's as the doors reopen and he joins me in the elevator. I dread the upcoming ride just as much as I had this morning.

We don't say anything or even exchange glances as the elevator descends the building. The small room becomes warm and Mr. Payne's presence is becoming more and more overbearing for me to handle. I wish I could be comfortable around him. It would make many things become so much easier but something about him throws me off. I just get too nervous and it doesn't make any sense. Ask anyone I've ever gone to school with, I'm not a shy person and I'm definitely not thrilled that things like that seem to be changing.

"I hope to see you tomorrow, Ms. Fletcher." Mr. Payne comments sharply. I gulp as my eyes stay glued to the screen telling me we are finally on the bottom floor.

When the elevator stops and the doors open I rush out quickly and make my way straight to the front doors, not acknowledging my boss or our previous situation in the elevator ride from hell. The light rain outside falls and the streets are wet as cars drive through the city. I'm not going to bother trying to call my mother or Sam. Due to my new decision that has to be made for my work, I am going to go to the bar down the street and waste away my night there. It isn't the healthiest way to handle my choices but it will certainly distract me from them.