Desolation // l.p.

Chapter XIII

"We are going to Anne and Berkley's for lunch." Mr. Payne says to his driver who is holding the door opened for him. I hesitate to get in, remembering the last time I was in it all too vividly. It's also reminding me that I need to get that jacket cleaned so that I can return it to him. "Sarah, are you getting in?" Mr. Payne's voice breaks through my thoughts and I shake them away.

It's almost tempting to tell him no, that I'm not going to lunch with him. But how would that do me any good. Whether it is true or not I already feel like I am walking a very fine line with him, I'm not sure how much more of this crap he will take from me but in hopes of keeping my job, I'll keep it to a down low.

I nod slowly and apologize, ducking down and taking the seat next to him. The door closes behind me and my stomach begins to turn. Being this close to him without being drunk is nerve racking. I run my sweaty hands over my skirt, attempting to dry them off. My eyes focus outside the car windows as the driver finally starts the car.

"Are you alright?" Mr. Payne's voice is loud and I jump, my mind is beginning to miss the few moments of silence that he broke. A big part of me wonders if he even cares that I'm okay, or if he is just asking to be polite.

"Yeah, I'm good." I stutter the words out, basically contradicting what I just told him.

"You know, I really don't get it." He says, laughing to himself.

"Don't get what?" I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.

"Why I make you so nervous?" He accuses me. I look away quickly, my eyes widening out of shock.  Is it really that obvious?

"I um-" I clear my throat, building up the nerves to continue. "I hadn't realized that you could tell." I speak honestly, looking up and meeting his dark eyes that are holding nothing but curiosity in them. I'm surprised he isn't laughing in my face. That he isn't making fun of me for acting like a school girl, all shy and what not.

"It's quite obvious." He laughs, shifting in his seat. I cringe, finding no comfort in his laughter. If I had a different relationship with him, I'm sure the sound would be pleasant, but all it seems to do is bring me discomfort and chills that crawl up my spine.

"I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what it is-"

"Please, you don't have to defend yourself. I know how intimidating it can be to be around someone of so much importance." He smirks and I hold in my own laughter, knowing that he is joking. It's not exactly a joke I would have ever pictured him to make, but he certainly is full of surprises. "I'm just looking forward to when we get passed this." He admits, making a serious change in the conversation.

It may not seem like it but I am ready for that too. I'm ready for when I can be around him and not feel uncomfortable. I'm looking forward to when I can manage to hold a conversation without saying something that makes me seem stupid and unsettled. I'm looking forward to all of it, more than he will ever know. "Me too." I say quietly, too quietly as I'm almost positive that he didn't hear it.

"I have had many assistants Sarah, and I want you to know that none of them have ever acted quite like you." he states and my stomach drops. Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? My mind forms pictures of all of his old assistants. Women that are prettier and smarter than me play in my head. As if I wasn't already self-conscious before, I'm not making it any better by doing so. "That's not a bad thing..." he continues as his eyes run over my face, probably turned down into a frown from my previous thoughts. "Not completely anyway." he adds before turning to look out the window.

I don't respond, leaving the conversation where it ended, not interested in over analyzing what he means by 'not completely'. My eyes trace his facial features, taking in the mystery that he is to me. He is attractive, I can't doubt that. And he isn't always so bad...