My hands shake as I pull my shirt slowly over my head. Obeying the command to "undress" given to me by Liam. I've never been so nervous and anxious for something like this in my life. Sex is supposed to be easy for someone like me, so why do I feel like I'm about to lose my virginity all over again? The nerves, the tension, the feeling of losing something I'll never get back. It's all coursing through my body as one raw emotion.
When my shirt is off I drop it to the floor, standing in my shorts and my chest concealed in my bra. I watch Liam's eyes move up my body, drinking in every inch of my skin. Knowing his eyes are watching me, spreads a wave of heat across my entire body.
This is the first thing that I fully understand and know that I want to happen since I got here not even an hour ago. My intention wasn't to come here and prove Victoria right. To prove that every assistant of Mr. Payne's does sleep with him and does have some sort of relationship. I wanted to know why I was hired, and if this is why. . . then I'd be stupid not to cooperate.
There are so many pieces that still don't fit together. The secret that Liam appears to be hiding. The fact that I'm so different from the other woman he has hired, if not mentally than physically. Above all, the piece that I'm here.
I feel guilty. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I want to. More than anything. I want to get to know Mr. Payne and if this is how I can do that then I will do it. I'm no stranger to sleeping without strings attached, Sebastian being the prime example. When I tried to have a relationship with him it didn't work out. It turns out that we were better at being friends with benefits- lots and lots of benefits- than we were at being a couple. I don't see tonight ending with me in a relationship of any sort with Liam. I just see it as sexual tension that has built up and is finally about to be released. I have no doubt that there has been tension. I've felt it. I felt it at the club the night that we danced together. Even the day we met when his warm and rough hands were on my legs, touching me inappropriately considering the situation.
"Come here." Liam says, his right arm reaches out towards me. I think about what would happen if I didn't take it. Would this whole moment be over? Would one small decision to not step forward and claim his hand determine everything that happens after it? I shake it from my mind, hesitantly placing my smaller hand in his. I step towards him, watching his eyes watch me. "Sarah..." he says quietly, hesitating to say whatever it is.
"What?" I ask, my free hand goes to his face, feeling the stubble on his jaw. I frown as I wait for him to answer but he doesn't respond. He traces the bones and knuckles of my hand with his fingers. I watch curiously, his thoughtful actions make my mind wander.
"I want you to be different." He says softly, still focusing his eyes on my hand. "I need you to be different." He looks up to me but his eyes aren't pleading, or sad or serious. I can't shake the feeling of how guilty he looks. As if asking me to be different is an inconvenience or something that is unattainable to do. I'm thrown off by how different he seems. During work he is this distant asshole who makes me run all over the city. Right now, he's some sentimentel person that seems to have a rougher past then I thought.
He said they all left earlier. Every woman that wanted to know something left as soon as they found out. And now he is afraid that I will do the same? I'm not sure I could leave even if I wanted to. Not only do I feel involved with him personally, but he is also my boss. I feel that I'm in too deep with my job, I make good-ish money and if I really want a future in publishing this is the way to get it- to stay and work for the number one publishing company in the country.
"I will have an open mind-" I begin to speak when a phone goes off from the other room. The two of us immediately turn, startled by the intrusion. It rings for another moment before Liam drops my hands and stands.
"I should probably get that." He says lowly, stepping around me and leaving the room. My eyes fall to my shirt laying in a ball on the floor. I hear Liam's voice boumce off of the walls and floor, echoimg through the large penthouse. It's muffeled enough that I can't quite make out what he is saying anyway, not that I want to eavesdrop.
I wait five minutes, hoping he wil return and when he doesn't I sit on his bed, staring at the walls and trying to figure out what I want to happen when he returns. Finally the door gets pushed open and I sit up straighter, immediately finding his dark eyes.
"I have to go somewhere." he frowns as he walks towards me.
"What?" I ask impatiently. He picks up my shirt and tosses it to me carelessly. I catch it before it hits me, watching him walk towards the bathroom door ignoring me. Who was on the phone and why do they need him? When he walks back into the room, his shirt no longer on. I try not to stare at his naked torso, at the defined muscles and lines on his stomach, the patch of hair that disappears into his dark jeans...
I gulp and stand from the bed, putting my shirt back on. I don't want the fact that he is so willingly leaving right in the middle of- whatever this was- to bother me. Unfortunately, it does bother me. It's embarassing that only minutes ago I was standing here shirtless, ready to do anything he wanted me to and now he is leaving. My eyes sting with tears that are threatening to fall.
"I'll be back later, if you want to stay." He suggests as he walks into his closet.
"I don't think I want to be a bother. I'll leave." I mutter and search around for my shoes. After failing to find them I assume they got kicked off before we came back here. I try to leave the room without saying anything, feeling overwhelmed and hurt by the previous situation. I'm stopped by Liam's hand grabbing my upper arm and pulling me back to his chest.
"Hey..." He says quietly to get my attention but I pull away slightly, challenging his grip. I try not to look up at him so he won't see the embarassment that I feel, but find it an inevitable task. "We're not done here. I know this. You know it. So please, stay at your leisure." He speaks softly and I nod in response. I wipe away a tear that falls from my watery eyes.
"This isn't over." He says before he leans down painfully slow, and kisses me. His lips are forceful amd I sigh, feeling a weight being lifted from my shoulders. I can't remember the last time I have ever felt so desperate to be with someone.
A/N: Hi! I wanted to update so here it is :) Hope everyone is doing good. I still don't really have any exciting news to share but if you totally tell me about it because I love good news. I'm so close to hitting 250 votes which is really cool! I've written two fanfics before this and this one is the most sucessful and I just really appreciate that you guys are voting! It really means a lot to me :) If you liked the chapter don't forget to vote and comment!
Thank you so much for all that you do and I will see you next time <3
Love ya!! -Rachel Xx
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Desolation // l.p.
Fanfiction"Everyone wants to be the sun to lighten up everyone's life, but why not be the moon, to brighten in the darkest hour."
