Desolation // l.p.

Chapter VIII

My head hangs low, rain drips from my hair and trails down my face as I head in the direction of my mom's house from Sebastian's apartment. It's a long walk and I'm not sure how I expect myself to walk so far but I have no other plans.

Shameful and sexually frustrated.

My flats are flooded with water, as I grasp them in my right hand. Walking barefoot through the city isn't something I would willingly do. But I'm not quite myself at the moment. Mr. Payne's name rings in my ears from when I moaned it, when I yearned for him to be the one pleasuring me. My drunken state has brought to light the fact that I find Mr. Payne attractive and intense, appealing to me in so many ways.

That's what I'm telling myself anyway. Telling myself that no; It's not like I want to get to know him personally or be with him- personally- but rather just an attraction to his physique is all.

I step heavily into a puddle, causing it to splash half up my leg and onto my dress, which is soaked anyway. I let out a sigh, accepting the fact that it may be ruined. I ignore the black car that pulls up beside me on the road, trailing beside me as I walk along. Finally the back window rolls down and I hear my voice called.

I perk up to the sound of Mr. Payne, excited for a familiar face but devastated at the same time that it is him. "Sarah, is that you?" He asks out the window and I groan in embarrassment. Of anyone who could have found me, aimlessly walking in the downpour of Seattle, it had to be the man who I just resigned a job from, and of course it had to be when I am drunk.

Mortified I look over and give him a wave and bust out a tiny smile. "Hey." I speak slowly.

"Why are you walking in the rain? Here, get in." He offers and pops open the door for me. I hesitate knowing the effect he has on me, leaving me borderline speechless and anxious. Fortunately, the alcohol in me exceeds the anxiety he brings in his presence, leaving me feeling more brave than usual.

"Are you sure, I'm a little-" I stop looking at my dress and shoes, "wet..." I finish and he smiles, waving for me to get in the car. I slowly walk to the car and cautiously get in. Observing the luxury vehicle as Mr. Payne reaches across me and closes the door.

From moaning his name to sitting in his car, I'm not sure the night could get any more crazy than it's already been.

"You must be cold, do you want my jacket?" He asks beginning to pull his arms from the sleeves.

"Oh no, I'm good, the cost of that jacket was probably higher than my student loans." I joke and hiccup unexpectedly, bringing my hands up to cover my mouth. "Excuse me." I squeak dropping my eyes to the floor of the car.

"No it's fine." He laughs, pulling the jacket off and handing it to me. "I've only known you for two days Ms. Fletcher but I've never had an easier time trying to talk to you."

"Yeah, how about that." I comment and give the credit to all of the whiskey that Sebastian gave me. Sebastian... My stomach begins to turn as I think about what I'd done. I called out to the man sitting next to me now, instead of him. My body lurches, sickened by what I've done. "Oh-" before I know what's happening I double over, emptying my stomach's contents onto the carpet of the car. I feel my hair get pulled from my face as Mr. Payne sighs, probably in discontent.

•••

"I'm so sorry." I squeak when I step out of the car. It stopped raining a few minutes ago and now we are in the driveway of my mom's house.

"It's fine-"

"I'll pay for your dry-cleaning-" I interrupt him.

"No, Sarah. It's fine." He speaks firmly. My eyes fall to his jacket that is draped over my shoulders. I scowl at the specks of vomit that I got on it, and then to the spot in car where it had been before we stopped at a gas station for paper towels.

"Thank you for the ride home." I say, shifting uncomfortably on my feet as he sits in the car watching me.

"No problem, I'll hopefully- see you tomorrow." He says abruptly before he reaches over and closes the door. What an awkward goodbye. Knowing that is my cue to leave I turn for my mothers front door, not holding my head high as all I am now is drunk and ashamed that I let myself go like that, downing so much alcohol so quickly.

If I do go back to Payne Industries tomorrow, which as of right now aren't in my plans, how will I ever be able to recover from tonight? Mr. Payne won't look at me with respectability after I just puked up an entire bottle of whiskey up on his expensive car's carpet- not that he necessarily respected me before. Nor will I be able to look at him the same after what happened earlier with Sebastian, it's a barely tolerable thought now so just think what it'll be like when I'm sober.

The car pulls out of the driveway when I reach the front door. I watch him drive off into the darkness, wishing it wouldn't have disappeared so quickly. I fish in my bag for the house key as I notice my mother's car in the driveway, but yet the house is locked. I'm relieved to see that luckily, Sam's car isn't here for once.

After this morning I should admit that he's not all that bad, it's just awkward for me that he is so close to my own age while he is dating my mother. It's a situation that would probably be uncomfortable for anyone.

I turn my keys in the lock and push open the door, stumbling a bit but catching myself before completely falling. All the lights are turned off, a glow from the tv in the den flickers in the corner of my eyes. I drop everything on the floor, including Mr. Payne's jacket as I walk, my wet dress sticking to my body uncomfortably as I try to locate my mom. I trail into the den to see my her body curled up on the sofa, sleeping. She fell asleep watching reruns of Friends, an episode from the earlier seasons plays on tv as Monica and Rachel are just moving in together. I debate whether I should wake her up or not, knowing that the sofa can be uncomfortable to sleep on. I look at her for a few seconds before deciding to let her go, pulling a throw blanket over her so she won't get cold. I grab the tv remote and click it off then head upstairs to my bedroom.

I vaguely remember how different Mr. Payne was tonight. It was generous of him, just picking me up like that in the rain. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for it but if you would have told me earlier today that he would do such a thing- I would laugh in your face. It's probably just because of the alcohol but I was so relaxed that I for once wasn't uncomfortable being near him. It's like his intimidating aura wasn't suffocating me again- almost like it never had. I can't help but wonder if maybe- just maybe- if I actually got to know him, I would possibly like him more than I do now.

My thoughts move to tomorrow, not only will I be hungover but it'll be the ultimate judgement day. I have to decide whether I am going back to Payne Industries or if I'm going to be filling out applications to other publishing houses. I wish I had someone else's opinion. Find out what makes sense to them, because at the moment not much is making sense for me. Hopefully, since nothing else seems to be, sleep will be my friend when it comes to making this decision. Especially since it is the only thing left to do until I have to choose.